Archive for August, 2009

When life unveils its crappiest sides, we get to find some tiny little things that we hold on to with every ounce of energy we’ve got. They provide us with the hope we need, support us, and give us the strength to move on. But what if these tiny little things are suddenly not there? They’re just gone for no good reason! Turns out that nothing makes sense afterall, Nothing!
what’s even worse, is when they’re there but at the same time they’re not! Again, doesn’t make sense. Definitely not! I myself don’t get it. I wouldn’t be writing this if it had any tiny bit of sense!

Now what? Dream? Or shall you say lie to yourself that everything is going to be alright afterall when infact nothing is going to!?
Sometimes life separates us from those whom we truly love with all our hearts. That might be for the moment…Temporarily… Or even forever… By then, what’s left for us to hold on to?? Memories?? I keep saying memories are enough, but no they’re not.

We soon realize it’s way beyond our power to overcome such incidents. We’re so helpless by then. Missing that one person who was the bright part of your life isn’t doing you any good either!

But what if this is the one and only thing you can do for the time being. Yes you thought there was nothing to grip  when there actually was! It’s rather nostalgic yet brings you back to your weird circle of optimisim.

It breaks your heart. You know that very well. But you keep repeating the same question: “Now what??” Are you just gonna give up and fall for that helplessness in you? Or atleast the helplessness that life has put in you from all what you’ve been through? What good will crying bring? Pretty much nothing.
Yes it’s okay to cry, we all weep our hearts out!! But let’s not make that take us forever.

(Why am I using the 2nd narrative mostly throughout  ??)
 
This sudden mess has made me realize how I’ve always loved you. Truly, madly and deeply… For the gazzilion time, I go through your pictures, our everything! And keep waiting like I did for so long. I just understood why patience is a virtue. And to wait for what seems like forever hurts.
Yet, in such cases, I tend to take a step backwards and let you play the game your way.
I trust you. I believe in you. And that leaves me with nothing but loving you like crazy!
To my sweetheart, I miss you in all possible ways, in all measures!
I know you’ve never meant to keep me waiting for so long, but that’s what’s seemingly happening. I am certain it’s worth the wait, I don’t know what to expect exactly but I’m expecting something for sure. The good days will be back, but ‘when’ is part of the challenge. I haven’t lost hope yet, and never will…

It’s funny. Ironic actually… Afterall, after every word I’ve written up here, or actually typed, (which btw I don’t know how!!) a part of me is still happy and glad…
With all the crap going on lately, regardless of what was the reason behind it, I’m still feeling secure, peaceful, and merely thankful for everything. Is that what they call content??

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Not in the mood?

Posted: August 25, 2009 in Randoms

7 15 a.m. Bedtime?? Naah I’m not that sleepy yet. It’s just so weird when it comes to moods! Sometimes you’re just too excited to sleep. You’d want these few hours to fly so that it’s already tomorrow and yupieee you’re awake again! Sometimes however you’d be so down in the dumps that all you’d want to do is to sleep, hoping it lasts forever for sometimes dreams are far more satisfying than reality, that’s if you even dream. It’s all about emotions and moods! And it gets quite funny when moods change so quickly. Turns out to be nothing but the best emotional rollercoaster ride ever, haha.

Rightnow I’m slepless. I’ve got nothing in mind that I need to get done really. (not that there’s anything I could think of either) I think I’ll get to figure out something worth keeping me awake. As for now, I consider sleeping a waste of time xD!

Ramadan Kareem !

Posted: August 24, 2009 in Days and dates, Spirituality

It’s day 3 already, but that doesn’t make it too late to say Happy Ramadan 🙂

You just don’t know!

Posted: August 23, 2009 in Emotions, hope, Love, Randoms

Let’s get this straight,…

Okay, I couldnt find a better way to put it

It’s not up to me anymore now it’s… 

Grrrrr! Have you ever felt that way? Like you’re loaded with too much to say that you end up not being able to spit it out so simply and directly?? Well, right now I am a loaded gun, ready to shoot but constantly missing it’s target! Could it be more confusing??

“Discombobulated” is the least I could say to describe this. ( I so love this word btw! I guess u noticed, I’ve used it in 2 posts, twice in a row!) Anyway, let’s not get carried away… back to my discombobulation

Okay…

I can’t find a reason to explain this. Or maybe there is but I’m just too confused to come across it. Maybe YOU are the reason I lack! It’s all in my head?? If it is, why don’t you just tell me and spare the two of us all this mess?? Wait… maybe you already did but I’m just too dumb to understand!

See, I’m not the desperate type, and I never will be. But between despair and the normal eagerness is a tiny border which I don’t think I know on which of it’s sides I stand. I have probably been a bit clingy in the past few days, or maybe not. I just can’t tell! Doesn’t seem like one of my best days, does it?

I know this might be overrated. I dont know if you’ll ever get to read this, but if you do (which I doubt 🙂 ) excuse me for such over-reaction. I’m crazy, can’t help it. And when it comes to THIS you probably have an idea of how Wackyyyyyy I could get!

I miss you in every possible way, and that’s pretty much why. I need you to reassure me! I don’t wanna make a fool of myself in any form. You know how much I value respect and dignity. I guess I should stop blabbing too much and eliminate any further embarassment, right? I think I’m not making any sense right now. It’s not up to me anymore, I’ve given it a shot, loads actually but it’s now my time to chillax, wait expecting anything and enjoy the remaining bit of my summer. Atleast I’ll try. 🙂 I’ll take a step backwards and give you all the space you might need. Speechless I’ll be for the next matter of time.

As for now, I’ll leave you with this: Some picture I’ve taken from awesome moey’s facebook profile. Excuse me Moey for that 😀

Sweet

How beautifully innocent !

PS:

You now have this tiny red fleshy thing of mine so called “heart”! Don’t break it… It’s too fragile to bear that. It’s not so easy to win my trust, nor my heart, but you did… You owned the two of them for some reason which I don’t really know! Make sure you keep them safe, secure and peaceful as they should… for yours are now as safe as safe could be, even more…

[I don’t expect him to understand. I don’t expect you either or anyone else who reads this to. It’s confusing, I know, I don’t mind and I don’t care! I just needed to blab it out somewhere… ]

… I discovered a fragile layer of me that is so sensitive, so insecure and so unstable. A layer that errupted out of no where. One which rises abruptly at weird times, to get me overanalyzing issues and squeezing my brain with the overthinking I do, then vanishes! Poof! I’m back to the confident, outgoing me. 

It’s annoying! Once overtaken by this layer of me I tend to act so.. umm.. nostalgic mayb? So innocent and shallow that I start revising every word I said and every action I did trying to figure out what went wrong, if anything at all! That wall of strength around me could crumble away upon such tiny things so easily. Discombobulated? probably…

 It’s weird, so damn weird. I’m not usually that type of person. I know how to have fun and live my life to the fullest! It’s just that these tiny bits of what might be insecurity unveil themselves at times… I dunno.

… Message Delivered

Posted: August 16, 2009 in communication, Emotions, Randoms

Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down and where words fail, music speaks… Communication is essential, but how that takes place returns to the person’s own will and abilities. It’s amazing and pretty confusing at the same time how we say words to hide things that our eyes reveal so blatently. Confusion is everywhere and that turns out to be the fun part. Confusions lead to a series of never ending assumptions, doubts and questions that only fade when you find the right way to speak out, and deliver whatever you had in mind, and in heart, in whatever form as long as it puts it the right way.

Things could get a bit crazy leading to weird, unexpected turnovers. And there’s always that same question: “How did all that start??”. Soon, such type of questions become so useless for you can’t remember where, when, or how! You still might, but whocares! It’s suddenly there, just there and that’s all what matters. Suspense starts kicking in again, but you’re no longer an onlooker, this time it’s your game. It starts getting a little hectic, beautifully hectic, and you end up with a bunch of emotions making you feel so weird. But usually, happiness dominates and ecstacy becomes so dominant that you can’t help having the time of your life, and enjoying every minute of it… Live it all up 🙂

As for now, I’ll leave you with this:

Now THAT I can’t get rid of it

Posted: August 12, 2009 in Randoms

Some tiny stuff are just so valuable that you can’t  replace them with new ones, and even if you do, you can’t just get rid of them! That Sony Ericson of mine (a W850i) yes was broken, had it’s colours peel off a little and had a frequent buzz during all calls because of the several times I’d dropped it, but I just can’t throw it away so simply. It’s probably what it had inside that matters. It holds a bunch of messages that I’ve only enjoyed reading on it. I used to go through them everytime I felt sleepless untill I got them stuck in my head! I know I do sound crazy and silly 😀

Anyway, It’s now time to rest it in peace in that bed table’s drawer. It’s still reacheable you know.  I’ll miss it’s sexy black outline haha