Archive for November, 2009

I’m off to where he is now. To where he’s always loved to be, and longed to live. I’m not excited like last time. I know coincidence offers us very little possibilities to meet and I expect this to be the case this time. Disappointment. But wait, I’ve already anticipated that, I saw it coming, so if it happens, I wouldn’t call it disappointment really.

I’m probably writing this because only the fact of being where he is, in the same country, if not the same city, makes me feel relieved to a tiny extend.  A weird feeling if relief acompanied with melanchonly hovers. It’s been a wreck I suppose, haha. It’s starting to actually become of a pointless issue to me. Didn’t turn out to be what I expected.

So off I go. This time I won’t be looking for his face between the thousands of faces all around me. I’d be too busy anyway.  I was packing a few hours ago when I suddenly spotted the tiny sovenier I’d got him long ago. He never got to have it for we never met. I’ve taken it on my last trip for I still believed in coincidence back then. This time I won’t. I’m leaving it right where it is.  Let me tell you one thing however, I can never afford losing you 🙂

I’m done packing I guess. I’ve got my travel essentials: ipod, “diary”, the book I’m stuck reading, chewing gum… What else have I missed?

Some really close person, really really close, offered me an advice, part of it said: ” If he wanted it, he would’ve done it. And if he wants something he’ll do it ! “

My personal opinion, I’m nobody’s toy and I refuse to be one!

Well, guess I now have to get back to collecting my messy belongings lol In a few hours, I’ll be saying my goodbye to this place to start my adventure! haha Like always, looking at the bright side!! 🙂



“Am I allowed a moment of depression atleast?” she wondered. Nothing was going well back then. It was the time when she’d spend her nights, laying on that bed whose sheets has now stiffened, pleading God to take away her soul for maybe that was the only way she could leave, and leave people in peace. Or leave, and offer herself the peace she’s always wanted…

Holiday it was. She jumped onto the back seat, handed him the keys to start the engine and finally hit the road. He did as he was silently commanded, just as he was expected. Her silence was the obvious rejection to whatever words hung restlessly in the air. She didn’t mean to. She was only too busy considering other issues more relevent to her, than what was being blabbed. With the windows wide open, she slowly rested aside to let the cold air rush into her, slapping her pale cheeks and leaving them chill with a fading sense of coldness everytime the car came to a temporary stop. A fading sense of coldness which she enjoyed. She enjoyed the power it gave her, the resentment she could proudly offer, the boldness which she expressed in terms of trying her very best to keep her eyes wide open to face that non-stop blow of air.  She did.

Speed gave her the anxiety she wanted. The anger to be expressed into something tangible. She wished it was her behind the wheels. She wished it was her who had full control of how fast she could go. But she didn’t. And that was the case with several aspects of her life which she couldn’t take control of. Atleast, she never had the chance to do so.

With that furious breeze forcing itself in from nearly everywhere, the pack of thoughts she’d kept tight in her mind slowly eased itself into a whirlpool of emotions and loose thoughts.  She folded her arms, squeezing herself into the seat and listened to what she’s now realized was on for quite a while. Music. It wasn’t her favourite, but she managed to enjoy. That has now made her whirlpool grow even more and has eventually allowed herself to drown.

With that speed came the fast-changing view. The sene was yet typical. It was too late for a ‘rush hour’  yet  the sounds of cars beeping, them swiftly passing by and ripping the air apart was still there to be heard. These random noises were now fading. It went quiter than before, untill they could barely be heard. They were soon exchanged for swishes slamming a rocky shore. The previous blow of air changed into howls of wind. That unexpected change interrupted her mental escape, to bring her back to the realization that she was where she’s always loved- by the shore. 

Suddenly excited, she leaped out of the car, ran towards the land’s edge to gaze at an unidentified, infinite horizon. A mixture of clouds and darkness made that unidentification present. Seemed as though she was numb. That brought her relief for she could find somewhere to duck her worries and unanswered doubts into. These would soon be carried away buy the waves that sneaked from beneath her feet, loaded by whatever she felt like parting with, and carrying them away. Back to that not so far broken horizon. Moon made it more magical. Silver glows on the shimmering waters of black and pale rays penetrating through a thick sheet of darkness.

That was the perfect atmosphere she’s needed. Calm, quiet and desserted. She sunk into the sand, laid down, and stared at her night mode masterpiece.

” Face them. Face the ones who’s hurt you the most. Wheather lovers or friends they were, wheather family or your so-called guardians… Look them in the eye, let your stare pierce through! Don’t comment. They don’t deserve one. Simply offer them a sarcastic smile and walk away. Once and for all. Tears shall soak your face, just like they do now. Just like they did to bear the hurt. But only then you shall know that you’ve totally moved on, and marked that as past…” Her conscience whispered into her ears… It kept going: ” This is not the life you’ve wanted nor the love you expected. Apparently, that love was nothing but a fantacy in your head. One which you’ve tried in vain to make possible, to make true. It’s of no use. You’ve wasted too long for what wasn’t worth it. Are you ready to waste any more? What’s meant to be yours, you shall attain forever. What isn’t, is what you’ll never have.”

A powerfull wave made it’s way through, slipped between the sand and pebbles to slide back into the sea. So did her aware consciousness. It pulled her back to when she told herself, ” You will never know untill you give it a shot” and quickly slamming a question to follow, ” Now that you did, you think it was well worth it??” She paused for some good thinking to do. “Yes” was her answer. “Yes, it was and always will! But that’s enough for now. Enough with the pain, hurt, and confusion…” Depression didn’t just get into her. What she’s been through has opened the gates for that to settle in. She would fight that, however. She wasn’t going to give up that easily. Not for her sorrow and grief, nor for you! 

She really liked the strength her will-power gave her. That was what has always brought her back on track. Now that she was nearly through, she could breathe in to feel alive.

As winds howled, air currents wrapped the atmosphere. The same coldness brought the chill to her trembling body. It was no longer the coldness of the shore she adored. It was rather the coldness that window brought in. There she was at the same clinical surrounding, partially awakened, not by the usual chill, but by the end of that periodical flashback. Again, lying still, uncapable of movement but for that slight displacement for she still hasn’t regained her absolute strength. She sighed as she went through her filmstrip to wonder how weird life was. How amazingly quickly it separates us from ones to bring us together with others. Just like those swift waves. How fast they hit the shore to be gone and soon replaced by another similar one to take it’s place…

To be continued…

(back to Storyline 1 : Memory Rush )

Quitness luming.Lights on,  laptop restarted and music is on. My favourite. Now towards that arm chair, I jump onto it, stretch, enjoy the warmth, and give myself one last opportunity for one last evaluation.

With my head laid back, body completely in rest, I allow my brain power to take over into what I had been lately avoiding, over-thinking.

I close my eyes tightly, giving the lights no chance to penetrate these lids. Seems like this mental engine is already on…

Thoughts flooding…

” I wish I hadn’t wished you were more mature. I liked the crazy you. The crazy you in his mature looks.”

“… Earth doesn’t stop rotating. It goes on and on, spinning around, and so does life. Nothing remains the way it is, does it? We simply move on. Just like life.”

“Goodbye? Who are we kidding. It’s never gonna happen! I’ve tried it before, we both did, and neither attempt worked. So, maybe that’s just the way it should be, right?”

“I can bare that. I want it.”

Music goes quiet. Clock’s ticking becomes so loud and the more it ticks the more the thoughts this weird analysis showers on me… 

“We were bestfriends…”

With this thought lingering in the air, and before any further mind-interruptions, I quickly get up, head off to my chest of drawers, and pull that old diary of mine. Flipping through its pages, it seemed I was flipping through memories. Ones which I doubt I’m ever going to forget. It’s just stuck in there! For all eternity.

That was where my past and present crashed. It’s when I realized they’re both one. Past repeats itself, and future is nothing but an awaited continuation! What I read that day, made me happy. Ecstatic actually. Very thankful it happened.

That craving for the past made me fetch my old, very old,  Sony Ericson (a W850i). Remember when I talked earlier that I can never get rid of that ? That’s why 🙂

Now THAT I can’t get rid of it

Yes, that’s why. I’m not stuck in yesterday. Yesterday is over, I know that very well. But what I’ve realized that day was that, yesterday can never be forgotten.  It’s what made today happen! 

And just these memories of you guys make my past, present, and future so magically beautiful…

This is an awesome piece written by my awesome friend, Ahmed Khaled (A.K.)

This is an idea which has wormed its way into the minds of many non-Muslims worldwide and even a few Muslims. Why? It’s all thanks to these people:

I mean, what do you think when you see this pic? A Qu’ran in one and hand and a knife in the other? I’ll tell you: Islam is a violent religion.

People like the one in the photo actually believe that it’s cool to blow up places, killing hundreds of people, because maybe, just maybe, there might be a couple of them who are ‘infidels’ and harbor ill feelings for Islam.

How fucked up is that?

Suicide Bombing is 7aram, forbidden, in Islam. There is no doubt in my mind about that. Why? Because the first person you kill is, sadly, yourself. This is, therefore, suicide. Suicide is also (surprise surprise!) 7aram in Islam.

Killing 3000+ people by destroying the World Trade Center? Not cool. Plus, it was an event that only gave America more strength. It also, more or less, destroyed Islam’s public image.

I was even shocked to find one of my friends thought that suicide bombing was just another way of performing Jihad.

It is not. Anyone with half a brain cell could see that.

This topic was brought on by the tragic killing of 13 people, and the injuring of two dozen more, by Major Nidal Hassan in Fort Hood.

An American-born-Muslim-with-Palestinian-background Army Major, who was more or less motivated to do so by Anwar Al-Aulaqi, a Yemeni Imam who used to preach in a mosque frequented by Hassan. Anwar Al-Aulaqi is notorious for his support of Al-Qaeda’s terrorist actions.

Were the 13 victims of the shooting, American Army personnel? Yes. Were they going to be deployed to Iraq/Afghanistan where they’d kill Muslims? Maybe. Did they have to be killed in cold blood by their colleague? Fuck no.

Please comment your thoughts about this issue, which I believe is more important to us as Muslims than petty feuds over trivialities.

Yes you won, but that doesn’t give you any right to hurt, abuse, and offend Egyptians what-so-ever! Egyptian fans and celebrities  in Sudan are being badly tormented, wounded and injured by the hectic Algerian fanatics. Egptian residents in Algeria are now hostages? What for? A football match that you turned into war?? It was more like an American football match. Violent and agressive! You won, what more do you want??

Seriously, you made your so called victory meaningless with the blatently brutal violence that followed. So that’s how you define “sportsmanship”? Mission accomplished, you revealed the monster in you. This is not to generalize, I hate the whole generalizing aspect, but what is taking place at the moment is absolutely ironic and saddening!

You simply lost it. This proofs nothing but your frustration. Regarding what, is for you to explain. Let your anger take over you, it’s only bringing you down, surrounding you with shame and humiliation. Our dignity shall make us rise. We lost a match, yet reserved our respect! This made us only stronger and much more proud!

What a shame, Algeria. Attitude crisis!


We need half a million requests to FIFA to disqualify Algeria and revoke their membership. Please, this won’t take 5 minutes from your time, even less.

Head to the official FIFA website, contact form.

Feedback on National Teams’ Fixtures and Results

Text your name and email.

Subject : Egypt VS Algeria

Paste this URL at the bottom:

And paste this into the message body:

In the name of Fair Play, in the name of Human Rights, in the name of Justice…
What the Algerian supporters did in Sudan was against all of this, unethical, and inhuman.

Before the match: They stormed the field and destroyed the bus which had the Egyptian National Team. They also sent death threats to the players and Egyptian masses.
After the match: They stopped apprehended the
Egyptian buses that were heading to the airport and attacked Egyptian civilians causing severe damages to the buses and permenant injuries to a lot of people, to the point that some were forced to leave the buses and run for their lives, and take shelter in local homes. This was by no means fair play nor was it a fair game at all.

We demand an investigation by the FIFA in what happened on that day. We don’t want a recalculation of the match scores or anything, we just need action to be taken against the Algerian team by the FIFA, and at least its disqualification from the World Cup and revoking their membership.

Thank you.


It’s the match between us, Egypt, and Algeria that we won! I know I’m the last person to talk about football but THIS is worth the blab 😛
2 goals, at the first and last 2 miniutes h, brought the victory we’ve always longed for! We played awesomely awesome and indeed deserved that. I, like  all of my friends went literally hectic as the ball swiftly flew through the razor net!  Today, We are the champions!! Egyptians everywhere are already living it up babyyyyy.
And Algeria, Hard luck xD

Today, at school, it was a revolution! Dressed in red, black and white, we literally went wild. Flags were soaring, cameras were rolling and we were celebrating! I think I lost my voice because of all the screaming we did lol Right now, I’m trying to regain my voice box xD Are we crazy? Sure we are!

It was the best day ever! Craziness unleached, and ecstacy took over!

I’m reaaaaaaaally looking forward to wednesday’s finale. Egypt, wish you well of hope, and best of luck ❤

I felt secure in my mother’s love.

She would tell him to stop.

She didn’t.

A few weeks ago I stopped at a bookstore to grab something to read when I came across this: Don’t Tell Mummy, by Toni Maguire. It seemed sad, but now that I’m in Chapter 11 already, I could’ve never thought it’ll get THAT sad!! It’s heartreinding! Needless to mention, it’s linguistic style is definitely captivating. 

 That just left me thinking how could fathers be so brutual! So mean, violent and inhumane! As for how her misery is gonna end, if ever, I’m still on my way to figure that out.