Storyline 2 : Breakaway

Posted: November 27, 2009 in communication, Days and dates, Emotions, evaluation, happiness, health, hope, immagination, Love, Memories, Randoms, Story, Weirdness

“Am I allowed a moment of depression atleast?” she wondered. Nothing was going well back then. It was the time when she’d spend her nights, laying on that bed whose sheets has now stiffened, pleading God to take away her soul for maybe that was the only way she could leave, and leave people in peace. Or leave, and offer herself the peace she’s always wanted…

Holiday it was. She jumped onto the back seat, handed him the keys to start the engine and finally hit the road. He did as he was silently commanded, just as he was expected. Her silence was the obvious rejection to whatever words hung restlessly in the air. She didn’t mean to. She was only too busy considering other issues more relevent to her, than what was being blabbed. With the windows wide open, she slowly rested aside to let the cold air rush into her, slapping her pale cheeks and leaving them chill with a fading sense of coldness everytime the car came to a temporary stop. A fading sense of coldness which she enjoyed. She enjoyed the power it gave her, the resentment she could proudly offer, the boldness which she expressed in terms of trying her very best to keep her eyes wide open to face that non-stop blow of air.  She did.

Speed gave her the anxiety she wanted. The anger to be expressed into something tangible. She wished it was her behind the wheels. She wished it was her who had full control of how fast she could go. But she didn’t. And that was the case with several aspects of her life which she couldn’t take control of. Atleast, she never had the chance to do so.

With that furious breeze forcing itself in from nearly everywhere, the pack of thoughts she’d kept tight in her mind slowly eased itself into a whirlpool of emotions and loose thoughts.  She folded her arms, squeezing herself into the seat and listened to what she’s now realized was on for quite a while. Music. It wasn’t her favourite, but she managed to enjoy. That has now made her whirlpool grow even more and has eventually allowed herself to drown.

With that speed came the fast-changing view. The sene was yet typical. It was too late for a ‘rush hour’  yet  the sounds of cars beeping, them swiftly passing by and ripping the air apart was still there to be heard. These random noises were now fading. It went quiter than before, untill they could barely be heard. They were soon exchanged for swishes slamming a rocky shore. The previous blow of air changed into howls of wind. That unexpected change interrupted her mental escape, to bring her back to the realization that she was where she’s always loved- by the shore. 

Suddenly excited, she leaped out of the car, ran towards the land’s edge to gaze at an unidentified, infinite horizon. A mixture of clouds and darkness made that unidentification present. Seemed as though she was numb. That brought her relief for she could find somewhere to duck her worries and unanswered doubts into. These would soon be carried away buy the waves that sneaked from beneath her feet, loaded by whatever she felt like parting with, and carrying them away. Back to that not so far broken horizon. Moon made it more magical. Silver glows on the shimmering waters of black and pale rays penetrating through a thick sheet of darkness.

That was the perfect atmosphere she’s needed. Calm, quiet and desserted. She sunk into the sand, laid down, and stared at her night mode masterpiece.

” Face them. Face the ones who’s hurt you the most. Wheather lovers or friends they were, wheather family or your so-called guardians… Look them in the eye, let your stare pierce through! Don’t comment. They don’t deserve one. Simply offer them a sarcastic smile and walk away. Once and for all. Tears shall soak your face, just like they do now. Just like they did to bear the hurt. But only then you shall know that you’ve totally moved on, and marked that as past…” Her conscience whispered into her ears… It kept going: ” This is not the life you’ve wanted nor the love you expected. Apparently, that love was nothing but a fantacy in your head. One which you’ve tried in vain to make possible, to make true. It’s of no use. You’ve wasted too long for what wasn’t worth it. Are you ready to waste any more? What’s meant to be yours, you shall attain forever. What isn’t, is what you’ll never have.”

A powerfull wave made it’s way through, slipped between the sand and pebbles to slide back into the sea. So did her aware consciousness. It pulled her back to when she told herself, ” You will never know untill you give it a shot” and quickly slamming a question to follow, ” Now that you did, you think it was well worth it??” She paused for some good thinking to do. “Yes” was her answer. “Yes, it was and always will! But that’s enough for now. Enough with the pain, hurt, and confusion…” Depression didn’t just get into her. What she’s been through has opened the gates for that to settle in. She would fight that, however. She wasn’t going to give up that easily. Not for her sorrow and grief, nor for you! 

She really liked the strength her will-power gave her. That was what has always brought her back on track. Now that she was nearly through, she could breathe in to feel alive.

As winds howled, air currents wrapped the atmosphere. The same coldness brought the chill to her trembling body. It was no longer the coldness of the shore she adored. It was rather the coldness that window brought in. There she was at the same clinical surrounding, partially awakened, not by the usual chill, but by the end of that periodical flashback. Again, lying still, uncapable of movement but for that slight displacement for she still hasn’t regained her absolute strength. She sighed as she went through her filmstrip to wonder how weird life was. How amazingly quickly it separates us from ones to bring us together with others. Just like those swift waves. How fast they hit the shore to be gone and soon replaced by another similar one to take it’s place…

To be continued…

(back to Storyline 1 : Memory Rush )

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Comments
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