In the memory of a friend…

Posted: January 28, 2010 in communication, Emotions, evaluation, happiness, hope, Love, Memories, Randoms, Weirdness

Sometimes you’ve got this urge to write something, anything, but you endup staring at this screen, this empty textbox, complication holding you back for you know what you want to note down is way too confusing to be expressed in simple words… It takes you a while before you manage to actually fully compose your first sentence. Once you lay that down, that barrior of thought tension slowly deteriorates and your words slowly start flowing… U know what I’m talking about?? That’s the case while I’m writing this… but now… I shall force my words to flow. Let that iceberg melt in scilence…

Byebye. There’s no more me, no more you. No more us.  There was no “US” in the first place, so why the sadness?? We’re two different people now. Were we anything but that, anyway? It was all your choice. From the very begining. You started it, you ruined it (Bigtime!!),  but now, I’m the one to end it.  A three-year ‘friendship’ now sacrificed for your three-month ingnorance. Thankyou.

Broken? I suppose. Though I refuse to admitt I am. I refuse to be one! But that’s the way it is. Sucks to know that the one thing you blindly trusted, you so stupidly believed was true was nothing but the only lie that revolved around you!

See that “I don’t give a fuck” attitude? That perfectly strong person I seem to bring to life throughout the day, and everyday… That’s a lie too. I’m not strong. I’m not perfectly fine, and when I get the time to get back in touch with my-real-self, that fragile shield of strength demolishes! It crumbles down. Just like the iceberg that stopped me from writing this previously melted…And when it’s only me and myself, weakness kicks in. That’s when I only get to show it.

I’m tired. This hurts. I’ve did whatever it takes me to get over it, but when do I actually DO ?!? I hate spitting this out. I hate unveiling my pain, my misery. I hate you. Yes I do. But when this builds up in you, you feel the need to errupt. To let this out somewhere. Here is where I errupt. Here’s my somewhere.

“You lie to me, you lose me”. What what you did was more than just lying. You stabbed me with the one thing I barely offered anybody- Trust.

Enough with the helplessness. Once more, it’s time to wrap myself up with that same barrior of strength. Shield up. Even if it’s a fake one. The more it ruptures the more it grows stronger!

Byebye. I’m out of chances to offer you. You’re out of tricks to play anyway. You gave up a long time ago, when I was holding on so tightly. Now I give up. I loved making you, and everyone so happy. But if that price I was going to pay was my own share of happiness, then excuse me for not making you dreams come true.

Byebye. Your life awaits you, so does mine. As for that last mean of communication between the two of us, I’ve demolished that too. Don’t worry, you left me memories that are forcefully stuck in my mind thou I don’t need them. Do me a favour and take them back. Do me a favour…  It’s now time for recovery, and that shall swift away, trust me!

Take care. That’s all I can say. I can’t wish you anything more than that. I can’t wish you luck, I can’t wish your dreams come true, for I won’t unless and untill mine do first. I can simply wish you nothing for you don’t deserve any. You wouldn’t add anything to my picture. It’s whole and complete without you. Take your puzzle back.

We’ve chosen to different ways. Who knows? Maybe sometime in the forseeable future we’ll get to meet. We’ll get to talk. Maybe sometime destiny shall remind us of what we’ve supposedlyconvinced ourselves we’ve forgotten… Maybe sometime soon.

As for now, bye. Don’t look for me anywhere. 🙂

  1. Hungover Guy says:

    As much as I can understand right now, I think you’re right!

  2. Rana says:

    *sigh* life is weird dude lol

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