Archive for April, 2010

An institution that takes care of homeless children was what my cousin and I hit a couple of days ago.  I’m not fully aware of all details, but what I know so far is that they offer these little ones shelter, nurse them, feed them, and take full responsibility of them ensuring a state of well being. Then they’re adopted by other families. The institution accepts charities in the form of medicine, blankets, baby food, nappies and stuff like that. The lady in charge was my cousin’s friend, and we were told that what they needed at the moment were nappies.

With the ‘Pampers’ in hand, we were off to a very soul nourishing visit. One which brought tears to my eyes. We met the lady. She seemed in her early 40s. I don’t recall much about her as I was super eager to meet the children. She lead us to the nursery. I didn’t really know what to expect. There was no picture to paint in my brain before I was to step into that door. I was only overcomed by a feeling of peace and as we approached that door, that feeling slowly grew.

I soon found myself in. I looked around me to find beautiful babies, glancing at me with nothing but sheer innocence and helplessness. The oldest wasn’t even a year old yet!  I teared as I smiled at their peaceful faces. I felt so bad for them. Really bad. I laid my eyes on Muhannad. He smiled as he stretched on his cradle. His smile never faded. I was soon introduced to Heba, the oldest, 10 months old Samy, and three more little ones. Their innocence was magical that I soon felt I was a baby myself.

Muhannad struggled to stand up. He clutched whatever that was around him as he did so. He started at me, and I soon understood that was his request to be carried. I found myself stretching my arms around his fragile body, and held him strongly as if he was mine. It felt beautiful. Super beautiful that it’s way beyound description. He grasped my shirt so tightly, and didn’t want to let go. We played, laughed, giggled, and had the time of our lives. I swung him in the air and every time I did his smile grew even wider, even more  adorable. So was Heba’s. So were everybody’s! 

This brought happiness to my heart. I knew I had lots of love to offer them, and these few hours weren’t quite enough. Not at all… It was time to wave goodbye and as we put them back to their cradles, the screamed their hearts out in a way that shredded my heart to pieces. I felt guilty having to let go, but we had to go.  It was heart-reinding. We stayed for a while untill they calmed down. Then we did go. We left. But that was where I left my heart. I left with hope of coming back sometime soon, very soon!

On hearing their stories, I was left to wonder how inhumane people could be!! How could parents discard their own flesh abd blood?? How unfair that was… How miserable, how cruel, how unbearable!! I wished I could do more than just that. I wished I could REALLY make them happy. It’s sad…

I’m not very sure I’m going to meet the same babies on my next visit, but I’m sure everytime I do, I shall feel alive. I shall feel the peace it brought into my soul. I shall add up a few more pictures to my box of memores, just like the ones I added this time…

I’m happy. Straight forward. Happy, happy happy! It’s been so long since I’ve been that happy!! I feel it’s me once more. It’s not the fake happiness I used to pretend, this time it’s real. I can feel it on the inside before it reveals itself with that 12 inch smile of mine !

I look back at yesterday and laugh. Laugh out so hard!! I move on to today and I find myself still laughing, still happy. On bed, I lay and consume my remaining energies to smile, now that I’ve got my optimistic touch back! If I ever get to make it to ‘Tomorrow’, I shall still find a away to laugh my heart out. Bright Side phenomena in action 🙂

It’s a weird urge to smile. For no reason. Or maybe there is. There has to! Maybe it’s beacause I’ve got myself, my life, my happiness back! Back on track.  I might have found a way to make my life more useful, more meaningful, even if nothing has yet been materialized, the idea of it still lingers there, and above all, the will is always present. There’s no time to waste on non-sense!

And this happiness I feel taking over me, I shall find a way to make people feel too! I’ve always felt an obligation to make everybody smile, and maybe it’s just about time to get that in action! I shall try my best. My very best. Hapiness is all around us, but we’re just too silly not to open our eyes. Yes, that sounds more like me. I’m happy 🙂

Positiveness, take the lead…

Dear heart of hers,

I’m glad you’re stronger now. I’m glad you’re all wrapped and sealed. Have no fear. You’re now shielded with the walls she has sadly demolished before. Barriers that took her a whole lot of devastation to break down then rebuilt once more only to have you back at that perfectly peaceful state you were in for so long. So, are you now? Are you back?

She’s stitched your wounds and gave them all the time they needed to heal. Have they faded?

She’s sorry. Terribly sorry she’s put you through all this misery. This isn’t happening anymore. She’s keeping you safe and sheltered in her. She’s build up stronger barriers. The time is now. It’s your time to feel alive again, heart. She’s returned her stolen sole back into your chambers. I promise she won’t put you through all that again…

Heart, I promise you she won’t let you fall in such so-called-love. You’ve got my words for that and my words are good. I won’t let anything shatter you to pieces. Not love, nothing. This time I mean it. You’re as safe as safe could be. You’re now under the protection of a thoughtful mind of hers. A stronger will and a powerful determination. I promise, truly and faithfully, she won’t let you fall in love again. Not for the time being.

You’re precious. No one can have you. She’s got you back, and she would ever let you go. I promise.

Take care,

Your mind.

Every now and then we hangout somewhere, pick out a movie, and start our own portable cinema. By the time our BurgerKing delivery arrived, lights were already off, and the movie was rolling – The Notebook. It was a romantic hit! All four of us enjoyed the fantacy we were watching. Love is always a fantacy, isn’t it? But THAT… That was a farfetched one! It left us speechless with the beauty of it. Beyond description.  Love is powerful. It could yet be powerfully destructive.

And by the time we regained our linguistic skills, we soon realized,

First love never dies. People only kill it, and bury whatever remains under their skin. Weirdness then brings it back to life, yet sometimes it never does…

And that, my friend, is The Notebok effect 😉

It’s there in the air, and everywhere. It’s all over me. It’s sinking in… Deeper than my skin. I know you’re there. Somewhere. An abstract prescence assures me. It’s not an illusion. Not a reality either… A reason that I fail to explain uncovers to fill me in with a sudden feeling of missing you.

I miss the edges of your face, the lines on your cheeks, the outlines of your beard. I miss the slope of your dark eyes, the stabbing sharpness of them, the wrinkles and these messy eyelashes distorting them. The curls… I miss the curls of your hair, the waves they were structured into, the deep brown redness they reflected as lights shun on them… I miss every tiny detail of you.

I miss the peace of you and the peace you brought up in me. The innocence that floated up your face. A secret mixture of superb tranquility that you, only you, possessed and showered others with. It’s been all over us for so long that it still remains even when you’re gone. Gone? No, you’re not gone. You’re there. You were always there, and always will.

You’re always in my heart.

Grandpa, I miss you ❤ !