Why did you have to remind me? Why!!!

Posted: July 24, 2010 in Days and dates, Emotions, evaluation, happiness, hope, Love, Memories, Music, Randoms, Weirdness

You probably never knew how much this mattered to me. And I don’t blame you. I never talk about it. And when I barely do, I don’t go into details. I know you didn’t mean to. You didn’t know what you were talking about anyway.

But. If you knew what bringing this topic up does to me, you’ll never spit it out. You’ll never press the letters of that name to your lips. I am not quite sure of what I wanna write right now, but I think anything would lessen the tension am in. This was the one thing that I truly wanted to work out and it didn’t. You don’t know that either, do you.

Seems, like I’m not the only one who still can’t possibly forget about it. He too was talking to you about it. He too couldn’t erase the thought if it. Maybe what he IS now, is only what he pretends to be. Just like me. But I don’t care, I don’t want to, and I’ll keep on forcing both my soul and mind not to !!! And obviously he didn’t tell you everything, did he?

You know what is really getting on my nerves right now?? It’s that you started it up and then you have to leave right now. Meaning, I’m gonna have to wait another god damn day until we talk again. Grrr…

I don’t even know why on earth am I angry!?! Why, why, why!?

Phew!

I try to take a deep breath, to calm myself down, and get over myself. I’m happy you didn’t get to look at my face when you started talking about it, because my friend, you would’ve seen my face change colours, my fingers fight as they rush the keyboard letters!! I just wanna forget everything about it, and this wasn’t helping.

Again, I know you didn’t mean to mess me up all over again. But it’s just him… And you don’t know about that either. At least not for now. Guess I wouldn’t maintain a peaceful state of mind until tomorrow. Yeah, not until you tell me everything he told you. Not until I get to understand. Not until you understand too. Because for the time being, neither one of the three of us seems to understand anything!!

As for me, I’m not quite sure if I’m gonna be able to hide the mess bringing that topic to life did to me. I’ll just manage.

I’m not so sure of how tomorrow’s conversation is gonna go either. I’m not so worried. I’ve got nothing to worry about, and couldn’t care less!  I don’t really know if I should tell you what’s behind the whole story, but once I get my hands on what you know, only then I can decide…

[ A couple of hours later… ]

I’ve spent some time with my family. Laughed much. At least I got my thoughts diverted onto a couple more things. I think things have calmed within me. And as things return somehow to their almost stable normal, I understand that this shouldn’t be my reaction. But then, I can’t help it. Anyhow…

*Sigh* What a small world this is…

I feel better, now that I’ve taken control over my reflexes.

And you, my dear friend, once tomorrow’s conversation ends, please do your best not to bring up that story all over again. I hope tomorrow is where it ends. But even that, I doubt it.  Guess it never will… Whatever. I’m up to whatever that may come… hopefully. 😀

As for tomorrow, you know we’ve got some serious talking to do haha ! Trust me, I can’t wait!!

I don’t want him. I don’t want his memories. I don’t want anything of his that still persists!!

You must be happy with yourself
You think you’re so much better than me
Why do you love to see me fail so much
’cause on that day you crawl back on your knees
Tell me who will save you

When there’s no one else around
And you can’t turn to me
Tell me where will you be
When it’s over
And all this pride you hold inside
Is gone
Tell me where will you hide
When it’s over
And everything you know is said and done
When it’s over, where will you run

Do your memories haunt your dreams
Do they simply seem to have a mind of their own
Tell me what the emptiness brings
When everything you know is everything but gone
Tell me who will save you

When there’s no one else around
And you can’t turn to me
Tell me where will you be
When it’s over
And all this pride you hold inside
Is gone
Tell me where will you hide
When it’s over
And everything you know is said and done
When it’s over, where will you run

You can’t hold your world together now
Everyone sees who you really are
When your castle crumbles at your feet
Don’t you run to me

When it’s over
And all this pride you hold inside is dying
Where will you hide?
When it’s over
And all this pride you hold inside has died
Tell me where will you hide
When it’s over
And everything you know is said and done
When it’s over, where will you run?

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