Archive for August, 2010

The airport buzzed with travellers. Like always. Some panicking and running, looking for their lost gates, some bearing their chocking boredom, waiting for their flight announcements to begone, while others roaming here and there checking out duty-free-shops, shopping.

Cafes crowded with hungry passengers. Hungry for food, and hungry for family reunions…

She plugged in her earphones, hoping the beat of her music overcomes the noise, the distorting announcements, the murmuring of the crowds… And it successfully did. Loud enough.

She kept walking until her blood-shot strained eyes spot an empty table  round the corner. Her sore feet pulled her tired body towards it. She sat down throwing her restless body on the chair. Her hand bag slammed the floor as she let go, freeing her hands from any responsibility to be carried.

She held her breath and scanned the bustling surrounding. Annoyed by the blinding lights and deafening sounds all around her, she then scrolled down her ipod looking for something far more relaxing to entertain her ears and lessen the tension.

She didn’t bother looking at her watch for she knew there were another eight hours to go and that – she was sure- was going to last forever!  She expected the classic boredom to exist and persist longer than it should and she was up for the challenge. She spent the very first hours taking advantage of the free airport WiFi and her laptop and made the most out of them. A few meters away was a plasma screen… A football match…  Despite the fact she isn’t into football, boredom – or her anti-boredom plan, I should say- drew her attention and interests to actually watch and enjoy the match.

Then passed another hour.

She was still sticking to the chair. Recovering. She checked her e-mail once more, for the gazillion-th time then looked back at the brightly lit screen… There, a few meters away…Meters? No, inches! Her eyes witnessed the most decent face ever, glancing back at her, stealing a few glimpses.

For a moment, she felt herself dive into the lush green forests of his eyes. Deeply…

She was quickly struck with an overflow of consciousness that quickly rolled her eyes away from the his and quit their captivity. He did the same. Spontaneously. That left her face, her expressions, and her thoughts blank. “What was that all about??” She asked herself as she tried to engage herself, and her mind, with another distraction. Food. That definitely fulfilled her hunger , but never satisfied her hunger to explore and drown into the endless well of decent beauty she’d just tapped into…

Apparently, there was much more for her to do than just get over the usual boredom. This time, boredom had introduced her to a greater excitement she hadn’t anticipated. Something else occupied her brain- Him.

On was her ” I don’t seem to notice” mask put. After all, her pride reigned, ruled every bit of her, and controlled every thought and action of hers. And that itself was a challenge- not only to her- but to everyone around. Precisely, him.

She hammered her head at the screen, fixed her eyes on the players as though she was watching the match when in fact she was at an angle where she could get a perfect view of him from the edge of her eyes. Wasn’t very clear but good enough. And she enjoyed it…

He’d his earphones plugged in too, just like her. Seems like he despised the hustle and bustle of the airport as well. He’d look around, shuffle through his ipod songs as he scrolled up and down his list. And when he was sure no one was looking, he’d glance, again, at her. Sometimes he’d offer himself the pleasure of staring a bit longer at her busy face. He’d study her eyes, and wished she met his gaze another time.  He thought she never noticed, thought she wasn’t aware, when in fact he was only fooled by the brilliant act her confidence played.

He looks away for he assumes his glimpse is taking longer than it should…

Ever since her eyes had met his, she never felt the same. Weirdness lured. She felt his eyes follow her, trap her, and embrace her. She knew he was watching.  His brilliant, peaceful eyes of marble green danced as she moved here and there. That, she felt too. She felt their weak yet demanding possession. For the first time she’d allowed herself to be held captive.  That was a different form of captivity. One that she obviously enjoyed and wanted to last…

That act of delusive ignorance they both played lasted very long. Neither one of them bothered to stare at the clocks’ hands anymore. They did pretend to be bored- yawned, rubbed their eyes, sighed- but in fact, were they?? That was only part of their show which they’d acted brilliantly!

A show that showered excitement down their veins, but they were both fully aware it was going to end pretty soon…

A while later, he stretched his broad shoulders, cracked his knuckles, clutched his medium-sized handbag and stood up to reveal a tall, handsome significance.   The moment his body parted the chair he was seated in, she felt all her attention divert and direct towards him. Her eyes swiftly shifted to his sight. Again, carefully without anyone noticing.  Yes, she did expect the show to be over soon, but so soon??

He raised his bag up his shoulder and dragged himself across the floor. Boldly. Confidently. her eyes – glued on him- ran behind his reflection on the blackened mirror walls in front of her. Not very happy, not so sad either, she blew a fragile sigh and got back to the former anti-boredom plan she’d previously set for herself. Deep inside she wished he’d come back. She enjoyed such incredible presence and had an urge to explore him more. In details. But anyway, what were the chances of him reappearing? Nill!

So there she was, scanning her inbox, preparing herself for the remaining four or five hours that were yet to come…

As she was busy sweeping her spam, she noticed a sudden, tranquil rush pass by her table. She looked up. It was him, he’s back!! Then back to focus on her junk mail. As if she did… Scene two of their playful act was on.

Another match was on and as the first goal hit the net, she twisted to face the screen, with a wide smile curving her lips. Her sudden energetic excitement grabbed his focused attention, and seeing her expressions surge as she turned to check the score, he turned too. Quickly but peacefully. Then back they were, she stared once more at her inbox, and he stared at the wall as he listened to the music.

Time passed, and that kept happening on and on. Once more he presses his grey shirt to his chest, grabs his belongings and walks away. She believes he isn’t coming back. He comes. And another scene is added to the previous one. She buys a salad, he gets himself a can of coke. And as hours pass, they start to seem really really bored. His eyes fixed at her, her eyes fixed at the laptop’s screen as that feeling of being watched still exists. Until he broke the silence of their world.

He stood up, took a deep breath and one last long glimpse at the pretty young lady in front of him, grabbed his heavy black bag then walked away, this time, passing by her chair, then further away, into the crowd. She peeked, and as he passed by her, she felt some creeping warmth escape into her, brush her softly, then fade. She held a smile but made sure she kept it away, hid it well so that he wouldn’t see it.

He never came back.

Soon was her flight. It was time to check-in.

On two different planes they were, heading to two different destinations across the globe.

They never met.

And never really cared about it.

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I believe everything happens for a reason! People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.

Marilyn Monroe

There’s always a little truth behind every “just kidding”.
A little knowledge behind every “I don’t know”
A little emotion behind every “I don’t care”
And a little pain behind every “it’s okay”

That was a friend’s Facebook status that I really liked, and I felt like adding a bit to it:

… and so much love behind every “I hate you” 😉

Then came the argument between Me and another friend, Omar.  Never knew my line was very controversial xD

And here it goes:

Omar: With all do respect but “hate” is a big word tht cant possibly have any love behind

Me: Nope, there is! You’d tell someone who has hurt or disappointed you “I hate you” because you do care about ’em/ ‘er so much but sadly he/she ‘s never been up to ur expectations.
You love ’em, but wont really praise em for being a bummer, so you SAY you hate ’em, but do u?

And there goes the so much “love” behind every “I hate you” 😀

Omar: hehe logical enough … but i would go for somethin other than hate somethin “smaller”
hmm… i dislike u with passion .. or maybe i dont appreciate ur existance, nd so on 😛

Me: Yeah, The phrasing depends on how much disappointment one feels lol xD

Omar: thts right to some extent 😀
using “hate” means ur really disappointed nd there can be no love behind such disappointment (ill understand if u didnt reply this time xD )

Me: well, being really disappointed doesn’t mean that there’s no love.
You wouldn’t really care, thus be disappointed, if u didn’t love that person much 😛
there’s always a second chance for that person to make it right and b worth the love 😀

(PS: I’ve always got a fresh reply to every argument lol :P)

Omar: hahaha (Y)
well… love comes first nd then comes the great disappointment nd if the disappointment is worth a “hate u” then this means goodbye love 😛
If u believe in a second chance then…. maybe just maybe it will be a way of gettin bak the love tht already faded 😀

Me: Yeah, true that! Seems like we’ve finally found something the two of us agree on xD

And it seemed that such argument would last forever. Whenever it comes to “Love”, there’s always a gazillion arguments. And they’re always, always controversial!!

But what I really like about this argument is that it would still make sense if we swap the Love and Hate:

… And so much hate behind every ” I Love You” !!

There are times when you feel not only helpless, but confused. Life becomes too complicated to understand and you find everything you stumble upon pretty weird. Everything! You feel out of place…
It’s crowded, messy, and noisy. Everyone is busy doing something that you might not seem to comprehend. And that’s fine, because you don’t want to.
To you, people are overcomplicating issues and putting themselves under so much stress that could be easily eliminated…if they want to…
You believe life is far more simpler. No one seems to actually attain the same level of tranquility that you do. A peacful, independet and well-arranged state of mind.
So as everyone hectically rush to get over with their seemingly endless duties, you watch. Observe. Stare. You try to find reasons behind the complexity that have became a habbit people can’t get rid off. You’re puzzled. And you soon fail to find any…
You might even come to think that YOU might be the proble itself. You might be the one with the issue overhere. You might be over-simplifying things yourself…
Gradually you tap into the same confusion you’d previously despised. And you remain stuch there for sometime…
Things are just going the wrong way, you tell yourself. People take good for bad and the other-way-round. Cheating, lying and bribing has become so common that it’s no longer recognized as “wrong”. Justice has become a rare trait… Where has innocence gone?
You soon realize that this world is turned upside down. You become a challenge yourself. Deep inside you you know you’re right. Yes you are! You need not change yourself into a hypocrite. You need not become them.
Two different worlds collide in you, and as this conflict persists, you manage to pause. You eliminate all external pressures, and you reach for something genuine that not everbody manage to hold on to.
You reach for something closer to you than yourself- God. HE is perfection in all its forms. He is everything you need. He’ll never let you down, and that you know very well!
He understands you without you having to explain, hears you without you having to speak.Feels you, sees you, and as long as you’re reaching for him, he’s there for you. Always!
He knows you better, and knows what’s better for you. He guides you throughout, and protects you.Sometimes even without you noticing.
That’s all what matters for what more can one ask for??
You believe in him and you mean it.
You do your best to please him, not only because you have to, but because you love to. You want to!
You feel that whatever you do is never good enough for his bounties are countless!
You slip away. And everytime you do you manage to get back on track. You keep seeking His help, His mercy, His guidance. You need it. And you hold on to your faith, very strongly, beacause this is the one thing you can rely on in a world that is so confusing like this one…
The outside noises gradually get louder once more. You look around you once more, and you feel stronger. You feel you’ve got backup- The best backup one could ever have, the most powerful ever! You breathe in very deeply, keep walking, and feel a massive positive energy taking over you, and making your world the happiest ever. You keep smiling at people you meet beacause you’re able to find beauty in life. And their grumpy faces wonder, “What’s that smile for??”
The unique peace in you answers very clearly, “it’s faith”.
The faith you find in your closeness to God…
You consider youself lucky, very lucky, beacuse you know you’ve chosen the right path. Your world lightens up from it’s former darkness, and there’s noway you’re going to let yourself fall back into it!

There are loads of people out there who’re pretty good writers but has never attempted to maintain a blog. Some might only stick to private diaries, yet other might neither keep a journal nor go for blogging.

Lazy? Busy? Only write an entry every now and then?  Possible.

And that’s sad, because they’ve got both the skills that they need to only train in order to progress, and the essential creativity to come up with genuine ideas!

Why not give them a hand??

So here’s another thing I’d like to introduce to my R-premises – The Newbies page.

This is to the non-blogging-friends of mine who’d like to share stuff with us too. You’re more than welcomed!

Who knows? You might end up changing your minds and become bloggers yourselves 😉

Stay tuned! More is yet to come, more is yet to be shared 😀

[ Written by my friend, Mostafa Ahmed . More is yet to come, stay tuned !]
*sigh*
I have been thinking about this for years, and the more I think about it the more agonizing it gets. I thought it might seem a bit too personal to write about. But then, I realized it’s not. Every one must have been through this at least once in their life.
It has changed the way I treated others. Consequently, people started to treat me differently. Anger, jealousy and melancholic thoughts had consumed my body and none was left behind. Only ashes of hope. Enlightenment through this road of despair, perhaps delusion, was what I sought, and success required a huge leap of faith which I feared to take. Plausibly it was the fear of losing everything and fall in the abyss of the unknown, with no friends, no family and no one to care about me..
With no life.
I believe I am passing through the final stages of the rehabilitation process to finally reach tranquility which is an arm length away. The anguish and pain shall end up soon, and then, the annihilation of this cancerous feeling would be considered successful.
You are probably wondering what issue might cause all this. Well, I would prefer to let the serpent of curiosity entangle its body around your neck…;)
She’s kept these days intact in a solid memory of hers. Time passes, and everytime she looks at the callendar a memory is brought up to live. Her mind replays. She knows a lot more about it now, but that never made it less confusing. It never lessened the pain. It never pushed her to any valid significant understanding… It was always rather the same, weirdness and you.
Time flies. So do these dates on that callender stuck up her bedroom wall. But never does that memory. It never renews. It’s always there. Stuck!
She falls back to her bed, snatches the pillow, and sinks into it…Wondering… This time not about the past, but the future.
What if time favours her, favours you both, and brings the two of you right at each other’s faces? What if on such date you find yourself standing infront the one person you’ve always wanted to be with but you never had the chance to?
Would you let her run into your tough arms, fall helpessly into them? Would you hold her tight and swear you’ll never let go again and really mean it?
Would you look deeply into her bright eyes and answer all her questions at once? Would you reassure her?
Would you grab her falling body, grasp it, and bring it closer to yours? Would you let her head rest upon your chest as you hold her cold hands with yours? Would you?
Or would you look away?? Stare. Blink. Lookaway. Glimpse. All speechless.
Are you going to wait untill she walks away too then only let your eyes follow her round every road. Every corner? Will you still disappoint her beacuse until this day you’re still caught up with the emotional turmoil she errupts in you? Would you let her go… Then remorse? Then fall back into the same well of memories that made her think of this in the first place??
Would you call her name? Not in your head, but out loud! So loud that she, and everyone, could hear! Would you run after her, grab her hands and explain yourself? Tell her you’re sorry. Would you smile at her decent face and ask her to smile back? Would you tell her how much you’ve missed her, and how much she means to you?
Then, would you now fall into her soft arms, just like you’ve always wanted to?
The image collapses as she holds her head up again and puts the pillow aside. She now stares at reality, and a white ceiling. Gets up, and tells herself when the bridge comes, she’ll cross it!

This could be anyone.

A father and an abandoned child…

A lover and a long lost significant other…

A friend…

It could be anyone. It could be you.