Storyline 4: On her way to forget…

Posted: August 5, 2010 in Days and dates, Emotions, evaluation, happiness, hope, Love, Memories, photography, Randoms, Story, Weirdness

A long time it has been. Way too long for her to actually quote a definite day, date and time. She could, if she wanted to. But she didn’t. What for? That would only drag her backwards and that wasn’t an option at the moment. She needed to rebuild her world. That was what she needed to focus and divert all her energies on and to.

And she did. Perfectly. Flawlessly.

She managed to move on. To shatter whatever remained, eliminate any stupid possibility, and most importantly, eliminate the sound of her heart until she could no longer hear it. Only, regarding him.

She recovered quite quickly, quite efficiently, and got back that peaceful state of mind he’d deprived her of. She no longer needed to care, no longer needed to waste her time and love on anything. She was back, standing as rigid and strong as ever! And she felt proud she did.

She was proud for she knew it wasn’t easy. But she had no other choice. It was either this or to remain stuck in a shattered, unfair story of the past. Her inner strength wouldn’t let her give up for the latter anyway. Wouldn’t keep her trapped for long. Wouldn’t let her bare the sufferance for so long.

HE was nothing but a habit. One that she had to seriously give up on as she took the very first steps of  reconstructing her personal world. Moving on was a decision she’d taken, a promise she’d made to her heart, and there was no way she couldn’t fulfill it. She wasn’t on solid ground back then, but she gradually managed to create one for herself.

At first, she couldn’t stop checking on him at a distance even though she was absolutely certain that it was over. She knew he was an obsession, an addiction and she needed to put herself on a rehab program. Love rehab. As days passed, she started checking out his stuff less often. And as she became busy with so much activities she’s engaged herself with, that addiction slowly faded, until it was lost. It became trivial, but hadn’t completely vanished…

She needed to face herself, to test her motives. For a moment, she used to lay confused in a wrecked state of in-between questioning herself… and her decisions. But she proved she’d passed. Her heart never pounded like it did before on seeing him. Her heart beats never paced as quickly and rapidly as she heard his name, or anything about him as before.

It did pound, it did show a change in pace, but it meant nothing to her. Even such involuntary responses, she was able to get over them, and she knew that someday she was going to, she will forget…

She did feel empty. She did feel left out. But her strength usually filled in the void. She’d successfully terminated whatever feelings she’d previously only suppressed. Time has helped. And she’s won the challenge. One that she’d set for herself – Him.

He’s always been one. Each and every single bit about him was a challenge that she’s tried to overcome.  Memories used to pop up out of nowhere, and she was okay with that. But even these, she’s starting to forget. Some are just carved deeply in her memory. Just like him. And by now, she’s pretty convinced that it’s impossible to forget. Her mind wouldn’t let her. This was important to her. But not anymore. She soon found herself being pushed a little further into concluding that she isn’t the one who’s capable of making her forget and that whatever memory she can recall is a solid proof of a strong, peaceful her.

She still laughs. Her smile shines as bright as always, stretches her elastic lips wide enough, then recoils. She’s happy. She’s happy she met you, loved you, and got over you. She’s excited to experience what is yet to come. And that, she welcomes with an even wider smile. She smells joy in the air, and upon that, her lips expand, craving the most beautiful smile across her face…

<Back to Storyline 3: The weakness in you

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