Archive for September, 2010

Rony the Legend

Posted: September 30, 2010 in careers, delights, Emotions, photography, Randoms

And that’s one of my favourite kids in KG-1! He’s adorable in every possible way. It took me a while to “tame” him though 😛

Can alphabets get any easier??

So much for my curly-haired boy xx

I miss you, little monster! ❤

Yeah they did give me hell at times. They deafened my ears with their crying, ached my back as I carried them every now and end up with sore feet, but I love them! What can I do?

By the end of the day, I’d lay exhausted on bed, every thing is quite, yet I still hear their cries echo in my ears! haha That was the best thing I’ve done in so long.

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If you see me cry

Posted: September 30, 2010 in Emotions, evaluation, Family, happiness, Love, Randoms, Story

Yeah, that’s the same person you see with a beaming 12 inch smile everyday. That’s me. You know, I do cry some times too.

Don’t worry, I’m okay! Really.

I guess…

I hope…

If you see me cry, look away. You’re not used to seeing my tears wrap my smile. Yes am smiling… and crying too… I’m weird I know.  You can tell am not happy. Don’t ask me what’s wrong, I would love to give you a very long detailed lectured answer, but I won’t.  I’d rather keep it to myself.

I’d rather have myself crying, than having the two of us miserable…

If you see me cry, then know that it’s something bad. Something sad. Something in me. A part of me is hurt. A part of me failed to express itself.

No? Looking away isn’t an option?  Well, it’s okay. Stay. I want you to stay. But I might ask you to go, so don’t listen to me.  Stay.

Smile, and make me laugh. I’ll wipe off my teared droplets. I’ll sniff. U can make fun of me, I’ll give out a few more giggles.

Hug me. I’ll feel safe. I’ll smile. I’ll get over it, I won’t cry. I know it’ll go away.

Maybe now, maybe later… Maybe never.

And even if you do nothing about it, even if you walk away, it wouldn’t really matter. Because again, I’ll get over it and make it go away…

Maybe now, maybe later… Maybe never.

I held him close and hugged him tightly, rigidly, as my hands patted his masculine back. I didn’t cry. My heart only weeped silently. We whispered giggly goodbyes to each other, asked one another to take care, then I lifted my head off his chest. The smell of his CK Euphoria still adorns my smelling.

He then hugged Mum one more time, waved byebye,  gave us that smile that hid so much feelings behind it then left as he faded into the endless queues. I saw her tear. Then smile. Then wipe off the tears before they even roll down her smooth cheeks.

That was a few hours ago before my one and only brother left off. It’s not the first time, but it’s always the same.

Soon I’ll be doing the same. Yeah, soon I’ll be saying goodbye to my beloved Mum and the city that I’ve lived in for almost 17 years now. It breaks my heart!!

I’ve said my goodbyes to my friends, my teachers and my 24 kids – The ones I taught throughout the last week.  Seems like we’ve got to get used to leaving the ones we love behind… Well, they’re always in our hearts. Always!!

Remember when I first talked about productivity and attaining a solid feeling of independence? Yeah a long time ago…Remember when I first felt a surge of positiveness in myself and wanted to share that weird happiness with the world? Remember the usefulness I longed for just to make myself satisfied with my own being?

Well, this last week, I’ve had all that materialized… and more. I’ve got a job- A Kindergarten assistant !

Yes, very tiring, demanding and challenging especially for a person like me who has no previos history of dealing with babies for so long.

Remember the “Phobia” I mentioned earlier?? I’ve got over that too! I can now deal with them perfectly fine.

The fact that I’m employed offered me the independence I’ve wanted. The fact that I’m not wasting my time doing nothing but rather teaching (actually help teaching) 24 children of ages ranging between 2 to 4 years has given me the usefullness I craved. And the fact that I’m surrounded by beautifully innocent children and doing something I enjoy, something I love, has given me the sheer happiness I’ve solely wanted!

… And the fact that I’ve fullfilled these goals gives me ecstacy!

Remember these previously lost, demeaned potentials? Well, they’re no longer suppressed, they’re devoted into goodness, into positiveness that I can see as the outcome reveals itself on me and everyone around me.

I’ve found something more useful to dedicate my love to, to shower my love on! And the dreams I’ve always had for a better world can now start stepping it’s very first steps into becoming reality. I’ve got 24 children to raise into powerfull individuals and that involves attitude and propper mental foundation.

I’m being attached to these little ones more and more everyday. They’re beautiful in all measures!

Friendly Fires

Posted: September 15, 2010 in Arts, photography

Each and every one of us, I believe, is divided into two persons/ parts/ mentalities -regardless of the name-  held in one solid body. No, I’m not a Gemini. One is the part we reveal to people, the part we use to interact with our surroundings, the part that comes to life. The only part people get to witness. The other, however, is the one we hide from everyone else and keep it to ourselves. The one that no one but ourselves can see, listen to and understand. That’s the reason behind our other exposed part. That’s the explanation others fail to behold. That’s why people usually go like, “Why did she/he do that?? If only I knew…” And they start jumping into conclusions, skipping an extraordinarily huge bridge of deep explanations. It’s always explanations that we’re looking for, either for ourselves, or for others…

Each and every one of us has got this inner person within ourselves. Some of us might even fail to understand it, might fail to find the “reasons” themselves, and thus their explanations. People talk to me, and as they do, I wonder… What are they thinking as we’re talking? Their eyes, faces and expressions give us clues every now and then, but we’re never certain of their intentions, are we?

We meet different people, live with some, hang out with others, or simply see them for once in a lifetime on a plane, on a train or in a coach. We’re always introduced to their outer crust, just like they’re introduced to ours. First impressions are born, friendships are made, and so are memories. Sometimes we meet people who’re pretty complicated, people with a very complex mentality that even after living with them for quite a long time – if not too long- you still fail to understand the reasons behind their attitudes or weird reactions and remarks! There’s always something behind that, a reason. An excuse! Yes, one that made them do so. There’s a key to their lock, but that we haven’t yet had.

Sometimes their inner-persons are simpler than we expect, far more innocent and decent than their reactions seem to be. Far weaker than they appear to be. Seriously, I think we’re all messed up! The human psychology itself is too complicated! We’ve got two infinite powers: Mind and Will. We only need to devote these into goodness.

I’m surrounded with people, some of which love me, hate me, take me as a friend, a good-friend, a best-friend, hurt me, and a very little understand me. Those are the ones who’ve met the inner me. They’ve found the key to unlock my outer person and enjoy the company of the inner one. Some don’t have the key yet, but they’d decoded the messages the inner-me gives out through my actions. And to those who hate me, to those who hurt me, I’ll be looking for excuses, because I’ve probably failed to understand their inner intentions. Guess they won’t be that bad. There’s always a reason, and this time one that I can’t get my hands on.

So I’ll be justifying your weirdness with excuses of my own until you decide to put up explanations of your own. But then, it’s all up to my inner-side to accept, understand and believe.

See that picture to the top right side of my blog? Yeah that one.  Well, it stands for Cleopatra in Hieroglyphic. I’ve drawn this picture, and added to it my touch.

And the result is this: