Storyline 8: Blue, Grey, and the in-between

Posted: September 9, 2010 in Emotions, evaluation, happiness, hope, immagination, Love, Memories, photography, Randoms, Weirdness
Winter creeps, slowly turning anything that comes in contact with it’s chill into a shivering white solid. It’s quiet but such quietness is soon interrupted by the continuous howls of lonely winds accompanied with scared swishes.Then fade into silence…
Darkness crawls along. Streets are barely lit. Empty. Lifeless, but not completely. A few people dressed in several wollen layers, mostly black or brown coats, pass by in quick animations. Their hands hid inside their gloves to escape into the warmth of their pockets. Their heads covered with woolen caps of no bright colours. Just the same dull pattern, Black, brown or white… Their feet slid into leather boots, trying to preserve whatever heat that still remained in their bodies. And as they kept walking, their footsteps creased the thick snow beneath them into footprints. Patterned lines of these markings were made and as soon as these disappeared, several more were created. They interlinked, crossed over, or distorted into insignificance.

One of these footprints extended leading to an end at a narrow, littered alley. Light rays squeezed themselves as they hardly penetrated cracked openings and holes. It was quieter, colder, and scarier. There, stood a strongly built man leaning on the dirty red-bricked side of the alley. He looked too posh to exist in such place. His clothes were neatly matched, all black but for a grey shawl that he swung around his neck. His musculine body seemed to resist the shivering. One hand slid into the pocket, while the other stood bare, resting a lit cigarette between his long slim fingers. The outer-strength he, and his appearance as a whole, showed was resenting the pain and weakness he felt but couldn’t overcome.

He inhales the smoke deeper into his lungs, and as he does so he could feel the hot air rush into his chest. It gives him chills. His stout frame shakes slightly, he could feel his hair turn into needles. All this hid underneath the clothes he wrapped himself with, and the cap he stuck to his head. A foggy smoke follows as he breathes his lungs out, but winds would carry it away clearing up the sene of his decent pale face. A face that was too simple to be described. A face that once you come across you can never forget! Something is so special about it that you cant help but drown into the mystery of it. It spoke a language that no words can ever express, a language that goes right into your heart. And you believe it. A language of silence.

How could anyone miss a glimpse at the smooth edges of his face, the lines on his cheeks, the outlines of his beard? How could anyone possibly ignore the call of his sloping dark eyes, the stabbing sharpness of them, the wrinkles and these many black eyelashes distorting them?? Those curly ends of his black hair remain uncovered, structuring themselves into waves that danced upon the whirls of the wind and reflected whatever rays of light that shun on them.

He soon decides to quit his immobility and walk. No specific destination was on his mind, it was a stroll to nowhere… He seemed confused, stressed, and dead tired. His eyes were focused on the ground, running after wherever he placed his feet next. And he stared…

Soon he was out of the alley and into a somehow brighter road that was lit by dim street lamps. He inhaled his last smoky breath and let go of the cigarette into the snow to eat it away. He slowly breathed out, enjoying the clouds of smoke he drew in the air then back into his pockets were his hands. He was still heading to nowhere…

His mind had already took off to where he lays his innermost thoughts, his mind was caught up tangled in their complexity, their resentment, and their guilt. His guilt.
He’s tried for so long, longer than he could recall, to eliminate the pinching sound of it but he failed. It still persists, and there’s no way he was going to get over it.
The quieter it gets, the louder the sounds in him become, the wilder they scream. He keeps wondering, why her?? Out of all the girls he knew, why is she the one he’s grieving on her absence? … And who drove her away? Him… That’s where the guilt echoes. He was never strong enough to make it right. No other girl could make him forget. No one can.
His consciousness blames him, and it’s words choke him. ” It’s all my fault!” He silently screams in pain, ” Why did I let her go? Why? Was I too blind to see? Too ignorant?? I hate myself for causing her so much pain! It’s too late to make it right, she’s gone! I was never good enough for her. I’m never too good for anything! All she needed was love, and I was too selfish to give her that. She gave me everything, everything! And what did I give her in return??” He pauses for a moment as he tries to squeeze a volume of cold air into his collapsing lungs. And after a painful sigh, his torture resumes, ” I was all she wanted, but agony was all what she got. If only she knows how much sorry I am… If only she forgives me!! If only I could spin the time backwards to get her back, run into her tender arms, and lay my helpless body within them. I’d hold her close, so close, with no resentment and never let her go! But what’s the point now?? She’s gone… Forever.”
Tears float on the surface of his eyes and although he’s been trying so hard not to let them run down his pale cheeks, they slowly descend down his face. He presses his cracking lips against each other, slides his tongue over them then expose them once more to the chill. He gulps. Then keeps going. He’s left his heart with her, his mind with her memories, and his consciousness with his guilt. This night never seemed to end…
The raging sounds in him never seemed to subside. Every step he took further unlocked a monster of painful memories that evoked a whirlwind of feelings that he’s never come across, never knew he could feel, and certainly could never possibly overvcome. He caused himself so much pain upon the grieving of others- upon HER grieving. Whatever he’d previously managed to ignore, convincing himself it was pretty trivial and would soon be “okay” now accumiliates. And it feels like the weight of the world.
His sins had weakened him and guilt carries on from where the former stopped. His shoulders now too weak to bear all that, his soul overcomed by the outcomes of his reckless, slefish decisions. He’d successfully satisfied his needs- his selfishness- a long time ago, but even that was temporarily and it was now crumbling over him.
His neck cramped, it’s muscles strained. He directed a bit of his remaining physical energy to overcome that and looked up the sky only to find a blackenned sheet lit with randomly scattered stars that blinked. Even these appeared to be so weak to give out any sort of light and slightly brighten the darkness. Just like his fragile body. He felt everything resented him. He himself did. Even the moon gave up on him to hide behind A roaming layer of grey clouds. He was all by himself. He knew he deserved it very well. Now was his turn to taste the bitter pain he made her feel. And he despises it.
He’s chocking upon himself. He opens his mouth wide, wide enough to embrace as much air as possible to push through his collapsing lungs once more. And he keeps going…
He puffs out a tiny shivering cloud as the warm air he breathes out condenses amd his subconsciousness shapes into a fading figure of Her. Her peaceful eyes, her ripe lips, her blushing cheecks. Her.
She became an addiction he could never give up on since the day she’s gone. An addiction he craved for and it’s absense he couldn’t tolerate!  His body lusted it, his soul longed it, and each and every instinct in him felt a demanding urge to have it. He was ready to give up anything to get her back, to have her by his side, to get to stare at her, gaze at her blazing eyes, and told her hands.
If only she could forgive…
He kept walking and walking, no cold would stop him, no pain was greater than what he embraced within, and nothing, absolutely nothing was going to ease that. Nothing but her…
The dominant quiteness slowly welcomed a sneaking sound of music coming from a nearby bar, just round the corner, but his world didn’t welcome that. The sounds in him weren’t ready to share any music, even if that wasn’t loud enough. His consciousness demanded all attention, and he was only to obey.
He stopped. Looked at the busy, warm bar atmosphere with no expression to draw on his face, then turned away only to witness the strikingly shocking coinscidence destiny brought infront of his eyes a few meters away.
His heart pounded, it almost jumped out of place. His chest squeezed that he almost couldn’t breathe. His eyes widened, his cracked lips parted as his mouth opened. He could feel his heart beat so fast. Painfully fast. Same with his breathing. Two worlds collided, and he was caught in the shock.
Immobile he was. Frozen like an ice cube. Numb. His eyes were focused on the scene.
What else would have such a dramatic effect on him but her? Yes, It was her. He couldn’t believe what he laid his eyes on.
He slowly gave out a fragile breath as tears rushed to his eyes. His body chilled, and he slightly tilted his head. His eyes brightened and embraced her figure.
Nothing has changed about her, Nothing!!
His eyes outlined her curving lines from head to toe. Her face has always been beautiful but never as beautiful as this time. His shimmering grey eyes drawn like magnets to hers then trapped them to drown into their blue  oceans. He felt his soul leave his body and run to her. Hug her.
She met his gaze.
Just the sight of him made her feel the same way. The two of them stood there like statues. Speechless.
The two of them however, comunicated through a vivd language of feelings, and they both felt as though they wanted to run towards each other, bring themselves closer and throw themselves in eachother’s hands. Hug, cry, and kiss.
But they didn’t.
He would fly to her, but he was terrified of her reaction.He never knew what to expect. Rejection was a possible reaction. He needed her now more than ever but was afraid she wouldn’t forgive, wouldn’t forget! just a few seconds ago all he wanted was to get to see her, and now that she is right infront of him, fear entangles his body, and confusion reaches it’s peaks that he literally doesn’t know what to do!! He knows to what extend he’d hurt her and let her down, and he wasn’t sure she would believe him anymore. And how could she when all he caused her was sufferance?!?
If only he knew that at this very moment all she wished was him coming to her, closer, holding her tight, pulling her to his chest. she never got over him either and despite the strength she brilliantly fools everyone- including him- with, deep inside she was breaking!
The moment she laid her eyes on him she automatically pushed her resentment aside.
She wished he was strong enough to come for her. She wanted him to do it, and stood there firmly waiting for it!
This took no longer than minutes but to both of them it seemed as though it was ages! And neither one wanted to leave. They wished they could stay there forever. They’ve always wanted to be together. But they never managed to…
He’s a mess. He wants to run to her, to Smile. He’s afraid. She’s waiting. Her eyes calling for him. His eyes answer in confusion. Their hearts beat faster and faster. She’s waiting for a move. For anything!!
He Gazes. She stares. No remarks on either faces. All plain, all caughtup within the wreck of this incident. They’re shifted into another world. Somewhere quiter where he sees and feels nothing but her prescense and she looks for nothing but him. It grows even quiter, more intimidating, the longer they wait the scarier it gets. And now what??
She was oncemore struck by the wakening sound of logic she’s always consulted when her heart got her nowhere. This was taking more than it should. This was a chance, and he should’ve made the most out of it! She wasn’t going to waste more time. She interrupted the stillness with a blink, took a deep breath and onle last stare at the man she’s truly loved, then turned away with a crumbling heart shattered to pieces. She wanted to spare herself – and him- whatever agony that might follow. Despite that, the pain has still persisted, nothing had lessened it, to both of them. It only grew more and more that it almost ate her heart away, and his. As she turned, she wished he’d suddenly grab her hands from the back and pull her to him or maybe fall down to her knees and plead her forgiveness. And as she turned, he felt he wanted to scream in objection! He didn’t want her to do it, his body shivered, he wants her, needs her… He Loves her.
His will once more fails him and he doesn’t know why! His weakness finally unveils and he’s exposed to his weaker, reserved part of him that he’d always denied.
With every further step she walks away, his heart squeezes itself in remorse. Her presence had sucked all his powers, his words are choking him. They’re direct, precise and honest. But they don’t come out. He’s frozen in guilty complications. He faces her back. She walks away into the night, into darkness, into her hidden pain. She gulps. She knew he’d do nothing, and he prooved her right. Sadly.
She tries so hardly to hold back her tears from running away. She tries so hardly not to flood the rivers from her blue reservoirs. And he stands back there like a snow man. An elegant one dressed in black from the outside, and a disturbed wreck from the inside. He’s missed his chance, lost his way, and lost her. She tells herself she wasn’t ready to discuss anything what-so-ever anyway. She convinces herself she’s okay. And she acts the role very well.
She’s meters away… freezing in coldness, freezing in agony. Her broken heart requests one last glimpse, one last peek. She turns back. Slowly. And trembles upon the chill, upon the pain. Her piercing blue eyes widen in question at the empty, lifeless scene. “where has he gone?”
Winds howl lowder in anger. Quietness swish. Gloom introduces itself to the former dimness and take over. Snow thickens into several more layers. Streets are even emptier than before. Desserted. Night crawls away…
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Comments
  1. Rana says:

    I’ll make sure I do my best next time lol
    It sounds pretty real to me thou xD

  2. link says:

    ok how is this supposedto mean?

  3. Rana says:

    This is supposed to mean that sometimes we’re too weak to stand up and express wot we really feel, and there’s so much more behind people’s reactions 🙂
    and a lot more that would take me forever to explain haha

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