I’ve learnt…

Posted: December 3, 2010 in Arts, communication, Days and dates, Emotions, evaluation, Family, hope, Love, Memories, photography, Randoms, Story, Weirdness

It’s been a while since I last blogged. It’s been too long, way too long and I was busy learning about this world around me. Culture shock? Not really. I adapted so quickly and easily. I made new friends, and still maintained the good intimate bond with the old ones. But things happen quickly… Too quickly… And sometimes it’s just too difficult to keep track of. Sometimes you just tend to keep it to yourself, to lock it within, and not to blab about it to the world. You want to, but you can’t. You won’t! For some reason… One that you also insist on keeping unveiled. Or maybe, just maybe, you haven’t got a reason in the first place…

 

It’s been a couple of months and it seems like 2 years. I’ve been through good days, really good days. So good that I just can’t find the right way to describe. And I’ve been through even worse… But one thing, just one thing, meant the world to me. And that, along with whatever incident that has got to do with it, has taught me a bulck of everything I needed to learn in one go, all in one shot…

And regardless of the means, I’ve learnt…I’ve learnt that we’re all smart liars. It’s the one talent that everyone excells at! The one option that people reach for… Then comes denial. We’re so good at denying sayings that are actually so true. People manipulate answers out of one another, just to get to the point they need to acknowledge. But who knows? That answer is probably another lie. I’ve learnt that I shouldn’t rush things, even if it’s feasable, even if it’s meant to be rushed, even if rushing into them is the only way to make them work. You need to stop and stop it spinning… Even if you don’t like it.

I’ve learnt that you can’t just be who you really are. People take advantage of that. You can’t let your innermost feelings show, you cant bring them to the surface, because only then u lose control for people take that as being naive.

I’ve learnt that you can never keep your loved ones so close forever. At some point, they’re going to leave. They’re gonna let go. Wheather or not you like it. A certain moments are just too good to be true, but thet can never last a lifetime. Afterall, a moment is only a moment, and that’s how long it should last. That’s how long it will last…You just can do nothing about it. People change, inside out, and you have to deal with it, to bear it, to bear the pain but keep it inside, hide it within.

I’ve learnt… the more you care and worry the more you get hurt… so it’s either you get used to that or never care, never give a damn! And by time, you learn how to suppress emotions, how to kill feelings, and how to let go… Because at some point, you’ll have to say goodbye… Thus, you’ll automatically find yourself doing all the former.

By time, this shield of distance grows along with the too much shocks we’re exposed to. And sometimes you endup shutting people out of your life for both their and your own good.

Things happen for a reason, i know that. But I’ve eventually stopped looking for such reasons. I no longer bother about knowing them. I take incidents as facts, that’ve only got to deal with, bear with, then move on.

I’ve learnt that people can never be 100% frank and open, even if you offer them your absolute trust. And once you realize that, that shield around you grows even larger, even tougher and stronger, and it makes it harder for anyone to break through… No matter how hard you try, they’ll never open up, they’ll never speak, so stop trying because this hurts.

 

This life is weird. As a matter of fact, it’s not life… it’s the people we deal with that are making it weirder and much more confusing. I’ve learnt that dealing with such people is difficult. I’ve learnt that everyone, absolutely everyone, is messed up!

Just as ironic, I’ve learnt I was stronger than what’ve expected myself to be.

And I’ve learnt, I can never change who I am. Not for anyone, not for the world!

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