Untitled was this chapter

Posted: April 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

I stand today, at the same point I stood a few years ago.

So well I still remember. So well I remember the promise I made to myself not to break my heart again. And today, I realize I have broken both my heart and promise.

No remorse. No more remembering. It’s a climax I can’t avoid, and I don’t want to. I shouldn’t.

Writing gives me the power to speak when I refuse to. Writing gives me the company I need. I write, because I need to. And right now; I’m writing because I have a weird urge within myself to blab words that expose nothing; or rather everything, I’m not quite sure.

I write, because it’s far more easier than talking; far more authentic and genuine. Sedated it draws me to spill the ache within. Numb I choose to be, because emotional is a state I refuse to bring to life anymore.

Eternity is a myth. Eternal is only a state of fantasy. And this is where my fantasy ends.

Regret? No, I won’t go for that. Regret is only a waste of time. Regret is rather the verge of adversity. I don’t want that. I don’t believe in that. Regret is useless. Regret is a waste of mental and emotional power. And I no longer can afford that.

Breathe. Peace shall flow deep within. Breathe, you are still alive.

No more quest for answers. No urge to know. I now pack my timeline into a memory; a really good one. One that was well worth living, worth hurting for; worth not regretting.

At some point it meant something. At some point, it meant everything. And from everything to nothing is a free fall we can’t escape.

Weakness is not a state I want to abide to under any circumstances. I accept the life destiny prepares us for. Conflict is where what we choose to expose and what we force ourselves to suppress collide within ourselves. Apparently, it’s how we all function; under a crust that never peels away. Life is a classic masquerade.

I won’t look back, yet I won’t forget; a memory now packed and sealed into remembrance. Time won’t wash it away.

I’m happy it happened.Really.

I’ll still write. I’ll still mark my feelings into words; because words are the one thing I still believe in. I don’t care what image they shall expose to whoever reads them, but I won’t involve my words into the same masquerade we all hide behind. My words are powerful tools; not fragile masks. I don’t care what your brain decodes them into or believes they imply; as long as I’m certain they reveal what I have always wanted them to reveal. Truth.

A chapter comes to an end. Untitled it was; unwritten it shall always be. Masked it will stay.

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