I take a moment, to look back; at myself and my life. There’s a burning desire in me to change, to install a better version of myself. To restart myself. I need to reboot. I skim through a time line that pulls me back into pits of the past.  This time I’m not looking for answers and reasons. I’m not chasing the useless “why”s. My mind stares in inquisition at the mistakes… One after the other. One after the other. I watch myself trip over then stand up only to trip over again. Over and over again. Over and over again.

There is guilt I try to suppress. There is regret I try to eat away with a boasting desire to redeem a better me. Because at this very point, I am my own salvation.

I am paving a path; leaving behind a picture of myself and running for another that I still paint along the way. There are things I chose to dispose, to throw away, to dump and start over. Give myself one more chance while I still can. I’ve broken myself only to re-build it; I’ve killed her only to bring her back to life.

One last desire I feel; change.

I’ve never craved it as much as I do at this moment.
I mean it. I want it. I’ll have it.

How do we end this, escape the battlegrounds?
We’ve fought in this war for so long, did we forget how to forgive?
All of the answers linger in shadows unknown
But with our last ounce of strength we need to ask…


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