A Date With My Diary

Posted: August 26, 2012 in Emotions, evaluation, Memories, photography, Uncategorized, Weirdness
Tags: , ,

 

Lights off. Darkness leaks into the room. Blackness, but for  feeble light penetrating through the gloom from a candle eaten away by its own dying fires. The smoke tickles my nose; the smell revives something in me. A memory? A desire? Lust? I don’t know, but a mess I buried deep down within myself is evoked.

I reach for the drawer. My fingers slide over the stacked boxes until I get my hands on my ink set, drag it out. My eyes blinded by darkness, yet my mind sees, my mind knows the exact position of things, inch by inch, as far as my wooden desk stretches. I reach for a fountain pen, then my diary. I flip a few pages; the memories smell old.

Ahh, a new fresh page. Inviting.

I fill up my pen. Deep blue ink; royal blue. Quiet; the night grows as darkness and fire compete. Ink drips over the edge of my page; I set the edge to the beginning of the line… and wait, as though awaiting my thoughts to fire it’s start gun. My heart weeps memories; old and new, of past and present, and it’s always hard to pick which one goes first. They’re all ache as much really.

Soon I give up on the chronology of my memoirs, I begin to write. I detach my mind, giving my heart the lead this time. Within these lines is where it gets to speak, to feel. Without fear, without the restraint of consequence. Just mere feelings loitering here and there, dancing on the flames of a burning candle. I don’t know why I lit up in the first place, but neon lights are too too detaching; fire has its ambiance…

And it unconsciously soothes me; seeing something burn just as much as the inside of me…

I come to life, so I write, to remind myself that a part of me can still feel; a part of me is buried alive. I write, before my mind shuts my heart up. I write, as the candle eats itself away. I write, so helplessly; so pathetically, so hectically.
I write and write and write… I soon realize my feelings have turned into a dogma, and soon enough I run out of feelings. Such a realization activates a relatively anti-sentimental mind. My heart flees. Expressions fade into darkness, words escape me. Silence. I blow an angry breath that kills the fire. My corpse fall back into sleep.

Once again, desensitized.

Words flow best in darkness…

 

 

 

 

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Comments
  1. I like the imagery of your writind. I’d love it if you’d check out my new site. I just started it a few days ago and have not a clue as how you get traffic into your blog. Any advice to offer and what do you think ?

  2. I left a comment and made a typo. I couldn’t correct it and they drive me crazy, so sorry. I meant to say writing!

    • Rana says:

      It’s alright, I figured that out 😀 Thanks a lot for your comment! I did check your blog, I really like your writings 🙂
      About the traffic, Just keep writing, add Tags, and categories, share your blog with your friends, link it to your twitter account for instance etc, and soon you’ll find traffic building up 😀 There could be several more ways to get more traffic, but that’s what I personally do to honestly 😀

      Good luck with your blogging journey 😉

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