Archive for the ‘Days and dates’ Category

Somewhere, sometime, in Birmingham, UK.

Somewhere, sometime, in Birmingham, UK.

Night bids the sun farewell. From wild orange to decent purple the sky flickers until it settles under a blanket of elegant black. Stars burn out, dissolved into the void above myself. And I stare into the infinite nothingness until the lights dazzle my sight; the pavements adorned with the demure brightness of the street lamps.

A decent rush of cold air welcomes me on board. Tonight, it’s only these streets and myself…
A memory, ignited as the same streets pave their way into the alleys of my remembrance. And I recall myself walking down the same streets, breathing the same chilling air, listening to the same outrageous music of these streets fade into midnight, as they empty from all people and traffic…
I recall, an existence walking by my side, now gone. I recall, a heart enjoying the epitome of vibrant emotions, now empty. A few more steps down my way, and I recall, a soul ecstatic and alive, now barely living.
I walk, the streets are soothing. It’s quiet, they listen… To every memory that bounces upon every ignorant footstep…
l drift, and they drift along.
The night stretches, so does the streets. And endless, my walk becomes.
It’s the same people, walking down the same streets, yet their hearts exchanged for something rather different; less genuine, more detached- emptier.
I walk. I recall and recall, and the streets soothe the ache.
The night eats the passion away.
The memory escapes.
An unleashed spirit that leaves; vaporized into thin air, leaving a mist of sweet reminisce on my mind, and body.
Tonight, I’ve laid a memory to rest.

I’ve been trying to monitor my attitude lately. This last week has been a good chance for some personal evaluation. Ive been pushing my thinking further and deeper; broader.

“Why?” was one of the useful tools, I personally found handy. It was more of the ache that starts every productive chain of thought. I might fail to fetch an answer, there could be no answer in the first place, or maybe a bunch of them. Whatever! Whatever it was, why has been the push, the trigger that maintains the ache, that just keeps you looking around. For anything and everything.
And with every stop there is a “why” that diverts your thoughts into something even bigger, or smaller. Again, whatever. What matters is that there’s always something for you to stumble upon after every why that comes your way.

Why is the key. Unlock the gates, don’t just jump over. Train your mind, to think, to ask; to question why. You are your own guide.

So ask. Keep questioning. Embrace the enthusiasm of the question, why. Unleash your thinking, give your thoughts the pleasure of diverging and converging midst a pool of questions.

Engage your curiosity to broaden your knowledge. Embrace the inquisition of the mentality of a child.

Keep asking until you master it’s art. Keep asking, phrasing questions, playing them around. Never stop. Just ask.


Book and Tiles

Another bright morning. Bright. So bright. Irritatingly bright. Home is quite but for some rattles here and there.I walk to the empty living room. AC is on; Good. Back to my bedroom. Morning rituals done. The floor is cold, ice cold. My toes seem to like the ticklish feeling. I grab my books. A series of glances followed. a doubtful one at the couch, then to the floor tiles on which the light slipped, back to the couch then once again at the tiles. No, this time I am not jumping onto the couch. The floor tiles are much more welcoming.

For today, nothing has served me better than the coldness of the floor tiles and a good read under a synthetic breeze of the AC.

I slip into my diary entries every now and then. This time, I slipped into this:


… What is really so exciting about beginnings is actually the end! It’s why I start, where I aim… and where I eventually start off one more time of another uncertain beginning. Endings are just as good; if not even better. And it’s always up to you to mark such points on your timeline; in between is a climax you’re starring at…

The best part: it’s never what you think it is; it’s never the right point to mark and label. And you only realize that a while  later… Only when you decide to look back on your time line. Flashback…

It only makes sense in time.

Oh diary, why? *Sigh* I was flipping into my diary and I stumbled upon a few bits of myself here and there. I don’t know why I was flipping through, I don’t know why I’m even posting this here. Sometimes it’s just too silly to remember; but we do either way. It happened, it’s there, in a solid memory of yours.

April 2nd 2011

I love you.
Not like how it is murmured on people’s lips here and there. Not as ignorant, not as indulgent. Not that meaningless.

I love you. With dilated pupils, sweaty palms, and racing beats. With a twitch that tickles my heart every time I get my eyes on you. I lose myself, into you. The world fades, you shine.

Silence is a good cover-up for what we keep within. But silence never makes it up for me; so I chose to spill how I really feel, and bore you with the too many “I love you”.

Because I do.

I’m in love. With you.

And it just grows. Wilder

*Awww* Some things are cute; just to be read, not remembered 🙂 Such an irony it is to manage to empty your heart. Completely… Into nothingness.

Somewhere in silence we’ve managed to establish the basis of a language we only understand. Somewhere in silence, we’ve found a way to unleash our thoughts… and ourselves.
In silence, you’ve spoken the words I’ve waited for and wanted to hear. In silence, I’ve listened; I’ve understood… I’ve come to life. And I couldn’t have possibly felt this alive if I hadn’t been so dead before.

The world spares us the noises and fades into quietness, but for a swish. A soft breeze breaks the silence and reseals it once again. Beautifully quiet. A pleasant existence to my side, expressive in silence. My words slip, quietly, bouncing from my mind to his… And Along with his… back and forth. After all, our silence isn’t so quiet. Silence is only a decent cover up, or rather a gateway to the thoughts lingering in our minds.

In silence, I’ve found a gateway to a fantasy, a parallel universe that coexists with our reality. One where anything and everything is most welcomed to happen. It’s not the silence ought to doubts and confusion. It’s the silence, so nourishing, that it embraces peace, and safety. It’s the silence that unconsciously paints a faint smile to your face… And mine. It’s the silence that heals.

When words aren’t good enough, silence is.

Somewhere in silence, questions cease to ache. Somewhere in silence, my mind stops bothering about the probabilities of understanding; what we are? Who we are? Where have we been and where are we heading to??

In silence I’ve found you. In silence I’ll hold on to you.

Airports, packing- too too much packing- storage, tiny little so called gifts ( my favorite part) … What’s there on the checklist? My iPhone stuffed with a good music supply, earphones, the Deutsch Donald-duck “tashen-buch” that I carry around but never really read, a couple more books… That’s pretty much everything I need.

Yes, I’m traveling back to my parents’ place today. It’s been a while since I’ve last spend a proper holiday with them; like the four of us together. No wait, the five of us. (I forgot to count our cat, Smoke! How very unthoughtful of me.)
Anyway, as I leave this continent for another, I’ll be having my valuable airport time feeling like Viktor Navorski from The Terminal. ( great movie by the way) So I’ve decided to spare a couple of hours stuffing my blog with posts I’ll be publishing soon. Good enough, right? At least I’ll make use of the very long queues I know I’ll have to stand in. I’m not very fond of waiting to be honest, not standing either and definitely not the noises around me at the moment.

Now, that’s my flight theyre calling for and I’ve still got a big Mac to finish. Sorry, they’ll have to wait.