Archive for the ‘faith’ Category

A long break this has been. A good one. One I was desperately in need of. I escaped. There has been a life I quit, people I ran away; to and from, a whole world I chose to leave behind. I thought it would help me keep my mind off everything, but no. Quite the contrary, it gave way to thinking, which I eventually realized I need quite as much.

The outcome was: change. Sheer change. Blunt and bold. Drastic. I needed such solitude for such amendments to take place. And it did. And still is.

Now my break comes to an end. So does the world I have created for my own during what I could possibly refer to as: spiritual rehab. I am reintroducing myself, once more, into this life. I am reintegrating myself, or rather, the newer version of myself.

Change is good. It feels better, stronger, and if possible, much much more certain and mature. Throughout this time, I’ve found peace. my thoughts ripened.

Change. It’s not over. And that’s the challenge now; to maintain the outcome of a rough time.

Putting up my genuine 15 inch smile, I start over.

I take a moment, to look back; at myself and my life. There’s a burning desire in me to change, to install a better version of myself. To restart myself. I need to reboot. I skim through a time line that pulls me back into pits of the past.  This time I’m not looking for answers and reasons. I’m not chasing the useless “why”s. My mind stares in inquisition at the mistakes… One after the other. One after the other. I watch myself trip over then stand up only to trip over again. Over and over again. Over and over again.

There is guilt I try to suppress. There is regret I try to eat away with a boasting desire to redeem a better me. Because at this very point, I am my own salvation.

I am paving a path; leaving behind a picture of myself and running for another that I still paint along the way. There are things I chose to dispose, to throw away, to dump and start over. Give myself one more chance while I still can. I’ve broken myself only to re-build it; I’ve killed her only to bring her back to life.

One last desire I feel; change.

I’ve never craved it as much as I do at this moment.
I mean it. I want it. I’ll have it.

How do we end this, escape the battlegrounds?
We’ve fought in this war for so long, did we forget how to forgive?
All of the answers linger in shadows unknown
But with our last ounce of strength we need to ask…

Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Let the rush of warmth stretch your lungs. Let the rush of blood flood your heart with life. Set your mind and heart free. Set your soul free. Smile.
Let it pull your lips wider, let your cheeks bulge into blushing circles. Don’t speak,  let your gesture do the talking. Let your countenance explain. Keep your eyes closed; it’s not over yet.
Keep smiling…

Search yourself for happiness. Search your memories for good old days, search your contacts for people worth loving and living for, worth smiling at; people who never fail to stretch that smile even wider !
Flip your problems to other sides where you can embrace them from a more positive prospective. Find happiness in everything, because there is always the bits that we overlook; the little things that matter  the most; the little things that make us nothing but happy.

Smile, because it’s powerful. Smile. It means a lot to those whom you matter the most to. Smile, because it will make you feel better.
It never hurts to smile.
Smile. Different it is from one another, it explains.
Smile; it’s a perfect mask to your agony and a better shield to further distress. .
Smile; When honest It is piercing, it shoots deep… It’s blatantly pure. It sows the seeds of hope, it speaks hope.
All it will take is a smile.

You’re only a smile away.

Eventually, agony will urge you to smile. Shed that grumpy face away. the happier you become, the wider it becomes until it’s a facial theme.You might not know but It really matters.
Smile.

My mind shelters a never-leaving thought of you. Flood me with memories, shoot me with whispers that echo forever-after. Take hold of me.

If I cant be there, I’ll structure myself and my emotional wilderness into tamed words. Words will stay. Words always will. My words never give up on my beliefs; my words never give up on you. My words will fight the world.

Distance pushes people away, words bring them closer. Miles away, my words will search sentences reaching for you… And they never fail. My words are living shadows that I leave behind to surround you, to remind you, and to reassure you… A continent away, I’ll still write because just as words bring my absence to an end, it brings your presence to life. And it’s all I’ve ever needed.

Words keep it easy, words eat away the growing emptiness. Words bring me to life, closer to serenity, closer to you. My words are never scared; never scared to tell, never scared to leave an impact…

And when I’m gone, they’ll still hover. They never fade…

Simple they are; powerful they’ve always been. Honest they will remain.

This is what happens when we choose to put up masks of ignorance. This is what happens when we decide to play the act where none of us really gives a shit, where we pretend that it never really mattered in the first place… We keep fooling ourselves with these fake clones of anything  but who we really are that we  bring to life and into action.

This is what happens when dignity grows into an unleashed ego… We hide behind the shield of non-sense that bounds us. We’re strong, we tell ourselves. We don’t give a fuck! Right? Well, guess what? We’re not even close to strong, we DO give a fuck and we’re so not okay with what’s going on!

What a couple of messed up existences we’ve become! We’ve chosen to be two different people, what for? Ironic how we manage to fake our feelings into silly ignorant actions just to satisfy a weird voice in our minds that tells us to keep going with this sarcasm.

If this represents anything then it’s the weakness in us.

It’s putting us through hell.  I don’t like it, so do you.  Now what?

If you were still the same person I’ve known, then I’m quite sure that deep inside you you do feel the same; a fine mixture of anger, sadness and confusion, yet you still manage to put up the same pathetic mask of ignorance. One that I can’t cross over to who you really are unless you remove it yourself, put it aside, and let go of your God damn attitude!

I can’t force you to do so… After all, it’s all up to you. But the more this takes you, the more the idea that our friendship never really mattered starts sinking in as a solid fact. So search yourself for maturity and do something. I’ve taken my chances, and “attitude” was all I got.  Now it’s your turn to make this right. Get back to your senses!

… I wish you were here. Just like the good old days. I had a friend… A good friend, a brother, but where has he gone?? And what for, ha? I wish you were here, but you aren’t. Just don’t let yourself fade into a memory… I wish I could just slap you back to your senses!

Wait… Who am I kidding? Who am I even talking to? You’re not even going to read this…This won’t make any difference anyway, would it? Again, this is probably what gives this post some extra credit.

Whoever reads this might not understand anything. I don’t understand anything myself. And this is exactly the theme life puts before us- Irony!

Apparently, you’re doing nothing. I need to understand that you’re not going to, not now, not never. And i just need to put on another mask of “It’s alright, I’ll live with it”…

So from now on I’m keeping those I do care about at a good distance just to make it easier when it’s time to say “goodbye”… If it doesn’t really matter anymore, then it only adds up to the irony…

So, will you be there??

It’s over. The 30-year reign of Mubarak is over. The will of the thousands of pharaohs down the streets of Egypt has made a dream come true. An era with no Mubarak has begun!! An era of dignity and pride, an era of truth, humanity,  equality and success driven by the power of unity and peace!!

There’s no more a silly mythical regime to haunt us down. No more bribes, no more corruption. We’re now in charge of our country, and we’ve taken an oath to build it all over again, to make it better; the one and only way it should be!

I love every inch of this country. I’ve always loved it, and I always will!

I’ve realized my political background was nill. I realized that I was stupid enough not to know. But this, has made it crystal clear. Who’s behind all that corruption is no longer a question with no answer, for the 25th of January has erupted all answers.

At some point, I was confused. By the time the revolution has reached it’s peak, by the time I saw my people exploited, if not tormented to death, mixed feelings had torn me apart, shattering me into pieces, not knowing what should I be doing, on which side should I possible stand!

you guys know what is really pissing me off? is that all comments make sense, to the extend I no longer know what to believe, expect and which side I should b on.

Mubarak sucks, we all know that. If not, then it’s the government he assigned that has got him, us and the whole country, down the drain. But is it getting any better now with all the chaos and the panic? Will it get any better after he leaves? If he leaves, who’s next? and what if we don’t like the next dude? go for another revolution?
and during the transition period before the elections with no president, doesn’t that give rise to whatever assholes with agendas to seek power??
Again, who knows, there could probably be no Agenda in the first place, but again we can’t deny otherwise!

What was before 25th Jan, involved inhumanity and injustice, and wot’s after the 25th, what is basically going on is horribly insecure and absurd.
Yes I am confused, and weirdly objective! I can’t find a side worth supporting. I, like everyone else, want what’s best for this country, but I can’t see where that “best” is…

And the moment I heard the Vice president, Omar Solaiman, declare Mubarak’s resignation, I felt weirdly ecstatic! I was happy life would soon b back to normal, if not better! I was happy seeing my people cheer up. Egypt was literally partying!!

I realized, fear of the unknown was what was holding me back. But by the time there was no Mubarak, by the time the unknown was slowly unveiling itself, I’ve come to understand that the revolution has actually literally freed us! Freedom is no longer a myth! Egypt is now heading towards having a proper peaceful civilian and political  life!!

They were right from the very beginning:

HE HAD TO GO!

HIS GOVERNMENT,  POLITICAL PARTY and all dirty twisted means and corruptive methods HAD TO GO!!

I’ve realized, I owe my life thanking those who started the 25th revolution, and similarly, I owe a sincere sorry for every pico-second I’ve possible wasted on doubtful concerns and insecurity. RIP, those who’ve lost their lives freeing our souls, may their souls rest in peace. They’re all alive in our weeping, thankful hearts!!

We’ve got our country back. We’re now in charge for leading a better Egypt. We’re all together in this, and this country bounds us together. No more conspiracy theory!

The Nile runs in my veins ❤

And if I hadn’t made it clear up till now;

بحبك يا بلادى
I love you, my country
Je t’aime, mon pays
Ich liebe dich, mein Land
Ti amo, il mio paese
Te amo, mi país
Eu te amo, meu país
Я люблю тебя, моя страна
Ben, ülkem seni seviyorum
Σ ‘αγαπώ, η χώρα μου
我爱你,我的国家