Archive for the ‘health’ Category

Am I allowed a moment; just one moment, of weakness? Am I allowed to give my cheeks a break, stop smiling and let my lips curl into a desperate puppy face?
Am I allowed to feel tired; dead tired, if not exhausted? For I am, really.

Am I allowed…?

To run to you, to crash, to talk, to embrace my worries by your thoughts? Am I allowed to let my usually boosting energies escape me? Then fall by your side; sit down, barely alive?

Am I allowed… ?
To wish, to crave, to long for and cherish your subtle existence?

So,
Do you mind if you grant me the right to?

Do you mind…?
Being there? For a little longer than just a moment? For quite longer than a mere chit-chat? Do you mind, if I stumble upon you? If I slip into the cozy pits of your mind? If I wander, together with your thoughts?

Am I allowed, to ask, do you mind?

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A long break this has been. A good one. One I was desperately in need of. I escaped. There has been a life I quit, people I ran away; to and from, a whole world I chose to leave behind. I thought it would help me keep my mind off everything, but no. Quite the contrary, it gave way to thinking, which I eventually realized I need quite as much.

The outcome was: change. Sheer change. Blunt and bold. Drastic. I needed such solitude for such amendments to take place. And it did. And still is.

Now my break comes to an end. So does the world I have created for my own during what I could possibly refer to as: spiritual rehab. I am reintroducing myself, once more, into this life. I am reintegrating myself, or rather, the newer version of myself.

Change is good. It feels better, stronger, and if possible, much much more certain and mature. Throughout this time, I’ve found peace. my thoughts ripened.

Change. It’s not over. And that’s the challenge now; to maintain the outcome of a rough time.

Putting up my genuine 15 inch smile, I start over.

You made my October crazy with suspense, my November the sweetest, and my December the weirdest yet the happiest: Weirdest, because that’s who you are, your bloody nature, and the happiest because ever since I’d kicked you out of my life, I’ve never been happier! 😀

– A tribute to an asshole xD

Goodbye 2010. I’ve enjoyed every bit of you! I’ve been through a lot, but after all that’s what makes you well worth being remembered. There’s nothing I regret, nothing I’m willing to forget, for I keep looking back at your filmstrip and laugh.

New year resolutions? Yup, got plenty of them! Most revolve around productivity and goodness. Needless to mention, a higher lever of maturity. 31/12 seems just like any other day. Atleast to me.

I never fail to find the bright side of anything and everything. I’m a non-stop smiling puppet and I like it. Happy? Yes I am, happy inside out. And this good-mood is well worth sharing.

May 2011 be the start of whatever goodness and positiveness that is yet to come. May it be the end of all misery and pain. May it bring us all happiness, all peace and security.

Happy New year everybody!

… And the countdown starts….

Love yourself for who you are. Be a better person. And never hold back whatever goodness in you. Fetch it out, and bring it to life, and help everyone all around you to bring out their goodness to life as well.

We live in a beautiful world. Don’t overlook it.

I thank The Lord for everything He’s blessed me with !

Remember that conversation I talked about two post earlier?

Yeah, about that, My friend went online the day after, and I suddenly felt I didn’t really wanna ask him about it. About that story.  I truly didn’t care, so why bother myself? It was trivial to me, to us, and guess there’s nothing more I needed to know…

We talked for a while, and then his good memory urged him to remember that what we were talking about yesterday wasn’t over yet. He brought it up again, and the talking kept going… It was obviously important for him too. A third party was involved here lol. He was a good friend of mine, and of his. He knew both of us good enough and that’s why he was pretty excited to know what has gone wrong. He told me whatever he was told, or at least all what he thought he remembered was told… I was okay with it, he was only stating the obvious.  He wanted to help. But guess it was already over…

We shifted to other topics, talked for a while, and enjoyed a delightful chitchat.

But once that was over, I had this weird feeling. A positive one.

I soon felt content. I was embraced with some weirdly smothered happiness. The way I got to see things have drastically changed. I look back at that memory only to smile, for no reason. I soon realized that my way is starting to clear up. It’s now wide and clear. And that subtle feeling of regret. Guilt. A subtle mixture of both i suppose… It’d faded. Yes, it’s no longer there in me. I can stare back at that memory without feeling the tiniest bit of nostalgia anymore!

I’m clueless of what has caused this sudden change, but I’m so glad it happened…

And here’s a bit of wot I’ve been listening to lately:

There are times when you pause. You stop. You need a moment to grasp what’s really going on. A moment of understanding. It’s your moment of realization…

It’s been like a fast-forwarded chain of events. Feels like you’ve been running for so long. Events are crowding up all around you, and you need to spare yourself the resulting confusion. So you stop to clear everything up, to take your breath. Only then you can find the reasons you lack. Or simply come up with ones to back up these events.

And these reasonings, not only lessens the tension of the conflicted thoughts in your mind as the image becomes clearer, it also pushes you forward to an advanced level of thinking. And advanced level of acceptance. Realization.

Just like everything else, these realizations aren’t always happy and entertaining. No, there’s the other side to it. They could be dull and saddening. They could be the explosion of an endless series of  questioned analysis. Whatever it was, you end up with something that sounds so solid, so significant to you that strucks you, wakes you up, and opens other doors to a more open-minded you.

Today, I stop. I take a rest. I give myself the time to absorb my moments, to realize. To comprehend…

I took a moment to look at Mum, to the closest friend of mine she’s always been. She isn’t overprotective. She’s only being herself- My mother. I, like everyone of you, when it comes to speaking of our mothers, we can’t find the right words to lay down. They’re just the best. In everying. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain sometimes xD

Then comes Mr. Awesomeness, My one and only brother. And these two, Mum and Bro, make my very precious, very small, family. My very sacred bubble of trust…

I move on as I enjoy staring at this paused filmstrip of my life. Next comes my circle of friends. An enormous one. I smile as I realize the beauty of it.

I soon understand that this isn’t the real one. My real circle of friends is small. Really small that only a few of these too many people have managed to earn an exchanged trust that made them go in so quickly. I have realized that I’ve rushed a lot of things. I’ve allowed others who didn’t deserve it to enter. I’ve taken jerks as bestfriends. I’ve trusted liers with my secrets. I was too kind to some that they’ve taken my kindness as weakness. I was so truthful with some that they’ve misunderstood that as me being shallow or naive. I wasn’t. I was only myself. And they didn’t deserve my company. This was the realization that made me understand they had to be kicked out. And quickly!

I don’t necessary have to cross them out of my life, but from now on, not anyone can make it to my world. I can sure keep those who are worth it close. But not closer.

I do feel left out. But I get over it…

My smile grows even wider, as I move on to another understanding. Another realization. Never feel sorry over losing something you’ve loved with all your heart, for definitely you shall be granted something far more beautiful. Something you deserve, for you deserve something better. I keep on saying this, everything happens for a reason! We might not get it now. Maybe sometime later. I’ve realized that some people live their lives searching desperately for love. They meet the wrong person, and let their love go to waste. Others are lucky enough to reunite with their soulmates forever. Some others might meet the right person, but for some reason they’re separated! Maybe it’s because he/she was never that so-called “right person”!!

I’ve realized that we shouldn’t run after things beyond our reach. What’s meant to be shall struck us in the wierdest ways possible! It’s all about patience. And when it comes to love, destiny shall introduce you to your significant other. 😀 Someday. Someday shall be your day…

Seems like this filmstrip is endless. There are way too much realizations to be listed in one post. And as I stare at infinity, I understand that some of these realizations, if not most of them, I’ve already realized them a long time before!! Maybe I was just not ready to say them out loud. Maybe I was too blind to see… Maybe I’m just to happy to let the overthinking begin. Maybe… Maybe I’m afraid of the complications these realizations bring.

But guess what? These realizations are quite worth it. Quite worth the thought. And the more you go through stuff, the more you’re going to realize, the more you’re  going to enjoy the memories it brings…

These were my moments of realization. What about you?  Are you ready to step up for yourself? Is it just about time to give it a shot and understand the life you’ve been living? Give it a shot. Open your eyes. And never,never let anything put you down! I’ve witnessed mine, and I know there are a lot more to find out. And I hope, I really do, this would help you stumble upon yours…

I feel warm. Happy. I love life. I love God.

Has boredom ever been so inspiring? Well it always is when it comes to us. The girls and I were hanging out together and after a couple of card games we decided that Today needed some special ignition! We eventually made up our minds of having some BR! Yeps, what’s better than the awesome Baskin Robbin’s in a freaking hot summer moring?  The idea then grew into buying an icecream cake! And we did.

There it was. Delicious, tempting and sensational!!  It’s an edible piece of art!

 

As you can see, I’d already eaten some of the squared cake/browny pieces, whatever they were, I was too turned on to decide what that was 😛 Yummyyy! Mouthwatering!!  This was sheer deliciousness. Then came the tough part, slicing it into pieces. The icecream was so solid and the knife was too weak to cut through! You know what was even more challenging?? Eating it 😀

Icecream started to slowly melt and soak the cake’s spongy texture. That then setteled in my mouth as my tongue rolled over to taste the sweetness of chocolate. Chocolate bits were all over the place, and after we all enjoyed such chocolate fantacy, the mighty cake ended up like that :

See that knife? Yh, that’s the one that gave us a hard time 😛 And these were the remaining bits!  It was too yummy that we started finger-licking! xD

Ahhhh, I love u girls! And I totally loved every crunch of that BR cake ! haha ❤

A Levels. What else could it be? Well, let’s not over describe it. It IS anti-social, but not VERY. You know, these couple of  months has been a wreck. Getting done with the syllabus, pre-mocks, mocks, then official CIE examinations… hangouts less often, my friends and I barely meet up. Phew! I feel my creativity is restrained. 

Anyway, I’m left with one more to go. By 10/6 I’ll be screaming “Freeeeeeeeeeedom”! The worst is over by now lol This year exams were really challenging. I felt some questions were from Mars ! Anyway, I so can’t wait for summer’10!

It’s almost there!!

Any plans? Hell yeah! Fun, fun, and some more fun! Wait, I’m not that shallow 😛 Apart from the classics (beach, hangouts, sleepovers etc…) my friends and I are looking for a summer job. I’d rather say, looking for a sense of independence and responsibility! I just don’t wanna let my time go to waste. My Art, ofcourse I haven’t forgotten that. Planning to visit the nearest bookshop very soon. I need to add a few more stuff to my painting set, try out a few more colourings and mixtures.

Cooking? Since I was just talking abt “responsibility” then yeah, I should give it a shot. I won’t eat my first dishes though lol. 

I so can’t believe highschool is over. It’s been one hell of a year. Even the last few years, they were just as wonderful!  I’ve had my fair share of nearly everything. That’s what I call experience !

All in all, this summer shall hopefully be way more productive than last years. BIGTIME!!

So let’s just hope these few days pass so quickly so that I’d get my plans into action. 😉