Archive for the ‘Spirituality’ Category

A long break this has been. A good one. One I was desperately in need of. I escaped. There has been a life I quit, people I ran away; to and from, a whole world I chose to leave behind. I thought it would help me keep my mind off everything, but no. Quite the contrary, it gave way to thinking, which I eventually realized I need quite as much.

The outcome was: change. Sheer change. Blunt and bold. Drastic. I needed such solitude for such amendments to take place. And it did. And still is.

Now my break comes to an end. So does the world I have created for my own during what I could possibly refer to as: spiritual rehab. I am reintroducing myself, once more, into this life. I am reintegrating myself, or rather, the newer version of myself.

Change is good. It feels better, stronger, and if possible, much much more certain and mature. Throughout this time, I’ve found peace. my thoughts ripened.

Change. It’s not over. And that’s the challenge now; to maintain the outcome of a rough time.

Putting up my genuine 15 inch smile, I start over.

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Why?

Posted: June 29, 2012 in Emotions, evaluation, Life, Music, Randoms, Spirituality, Weirdness

 

Why?I keep asking myself as I look around the wreck our world has turned into.

Injustice, everywhere. Everywhere! And it’s not just enough to know you’re against it, to reject it deep down within. We’re not weak. We’re not fragile. It’s injustice all around us that makes us believe so, that puts us down, that eats away our dignity, crumbles our beliefs, and contributes to changing us to become just the same.

It is both what we do and what we decide not to do that distorts that never restored balance.

Fear? Insecurity? Rejection? Revenge? Power?

My “why”s persist and multiply.

We crave peace, yet what have we done to actually bring it to life? Have we even tried? Have we even considered that we could actually be resenting it. Deliberately? Controversial, we are. Controversial is this world. So that’s what it shall remain? A myth?

Why? Why have we given up on our principles? What for?

What on Earth have we become? What have we turned this Earth into??

Injustice is everywhere. Injustice could be the answer, Injustice itself could spark the same question. Why?

Tell me why People should suffer for others to cherish? Why should people fall for others to rise? Why should the unfair hold the key to power? What is power? What is authority? What are principles? Because what I see explains none of them, but rather redefines them all in contradiction.

This world has become a chain of compiled injustice presenting more “Why”s along the way. Seems like, why has become the answer rather than the question…

In the midst of everything, I’ve taken an oath to never stop questioning “Why”, for once we give away that one question, then we’ve become part of the contradiction. The day we give that away is when we stop believing.

I’ll carry this flag to the grave if I must
Cause it’s flag that I love and a flag that I trust

There are times when you feel not only helpless, but confused. Life becomes too complicated to understand and you find everything you stumble upon pretty weird. Everything! You feel out of place…
It’s crowded, messy, and noisy. Everyone is busy doing something that you might not seem to comprehend. And that’s fine, because you don’t want to.
To you, people are overcomplicating issues and putting themselves under so much stress that could be easily eliminated…if they want to…
You believe life is far more simpler. No one seems to actually attain the same level of tranquility that you do. A peacful, independet and well-arranged state of mind.
So as everyone hectically rush to get over with their seemingly endless duties, you watch. Observe. Stare. You try to find reasons behind the complexity that have became a habbit people can’t get rid off. You’re puzzled. And you soon fail to find any…
You might even come to think that YOU might be the proble itself. You might be the one with the issue overhere. You might be over-simplifying things yourself…
Gradually you tap into the same confusion you’d previously despised. And you remain stuch there for sometime…
Things are just going the wrong way, you tell yourself. People take good for bad and the other-way-round. Cheating, lying and bribing has become so common that it’s no longer recognized as “wrong”. Justice has become a rare trait… Where has innocence gone?
You soon realize that this world is turned upside down. You become a challenge yourself. Deep inside you you know you’re right. Yes you are! You need not change yourself into a hypocrite. You need not become them.
Two different worlds collide in you, and as this conflict persists, you manage to pause. You eliminate all external pressures, and you reach for something genuine that not everbody manage to hold on to.
You reach for something closer to you than yourself- God. HE is perfection in all its forms. He is everything you need. He’ll never let you down, and that you know very well!
He understands you without you having to explain, hears you without you having to speak.Feels you, sees you, and as long as you’re reaching for him, he’s there for you. Always!
He knows you better, and knows what’s better for you. He guides you throughout, and protects you.Sometimes even without you noticing.
That’s all what matters for what more can one ask for??
You believe in him and you mean it.
You do your best to please him, not only because you have to, but because you love to. You want to!
You feel that whatever you do is never good enough for his bounties are countless!
You slip away. And everytime you do you manage to get back on track. You keep seeking His help, His mercy, His guidance. You need it. And you hold on to your faith, very strongly, beacause this is the one thing you can rely on in a world that is so confusing like this one…
The outside noises gradually get louder once more. You look around you once more, and you feel stronger. You feel you’ve got backup- The best backup one could ever have, the most powerful ever! You breathe in very deeply, keep walking, and feel a massive positive energy taking over you, and making your world the happiest ever. You keep smiling at people you meet beacause you’re able to find beauty in life. And their grumpy faces wonder, “What’s that smile for??”
The unique peace in you answers very clearly, “it’s faith”.
The faith you find in your closeness to God…
You consider youself lucky, very lucky, beacuse you know you’ve chosen the right path. Your world lightens up from it’s former darkness, and there’s noway you’re going to let yourself fall back into it!

Close your eyes. You’ve seen much. It’s just about time they rest. Stretch your arms. Far. As far as far can be. Space? Emptiness? You soon reach for something solid. Something of a significant texture to slowly sweep your fingers on. Carefully. You do it again, trying to figure out what it is that you’re toughing. You keep stretching further, and the texture gradually changes, introducing you to a range of senses. Or probably, introducing you to your senses…

You develop your fingertips into efficient sensors, and everything soon becomes so familiar. And you become so good at it that you can directly tell what you’re getting your hands on. Soon enough, you start turning whatever you feel into a built in image that you drew on your own. That you, only you, can gain access to. This becomes your world, and you rule under a system of your own, a set of regulations that you’ve created for your own functioning.

You’re still closing these eyes. You’ve let these long dark eyelashes lock them. And it’s still quiet…

You listen…

To sounds around you, if any. You get so used to it that they gradually fade. Diminish. And once more, you are introduced to a new sound. The sound of your own. You can hear yourself speak up. Very clearly, very efficiently. Very fluently… Yet others fail to recognize that. You hear your innermost thoughts come to life at the rhythmic  beat of your heart. And you actually seem to like that…

Someone, somewhere suddenly breaks the usual silence. You sit up. And you feel your powers flee towards your ears. Your eyes still closed yet strained. You try your very best to recognize the sound. And you do.

So you lean at the edge of the armchair you’re sitting on, and it goes back to the normal silence. Peacefully quiet…

The more you stay seated, the more you’re introduced to a whole lot of feelings, senses and actions that come all together in a package. And here is the only place you can experience them, for once you step out of here, out of your calm, tranquil state of mind that your solitude have offered, you’ll get carried away. And you’ll fail to recognize them anymore.

They’re precious, and usually overlooked by so many people that they eventually think they never existed for they can no longer endure them.

You’ve always loved the peace this state brought to you. But you soon realize you can’t escape forever. There’s an outer world that still awaits you. People who care about you, people who need you, and others who love you and love your existence.

You know you can’t keep your created harmony last longer than it should so you soon regain your relaxing strengths, get a grip and with whatever remaining energy in you, you resist your very own wills and stand up, walk out that door, and back to the noise. Back to the confusion. Back to the world…

Remember that conversation I talked about two post earlier?

Yeah, about that, My friend went online the day after, and I suddenly felt I didn’t really wanna ask him about it. About that story.  I truly didn’t care, so why bother myself? It was trivial to me, to us, and guess there’s nothing more I needed to know…

We talked for a while, and then his good memory urged him to remember that what we were talking about yesterday wasn’t over yet. He brought it up again, and the talking kept going… It was obviously important for him too. A third party was involved here lol. He was a good friend of mine, and of his. He knew both of us good enough and that’s why he was pretty excited to know what has gone wrong. He told me whatever he was told, or at least all what he thought he remembered was told… I was okay with it, he was only stating the obvious.  He wanted to help. But guess it was already over…

We shifted to other topics, talked for a while, and enjoyed a delightful chitchat.

But once that was over, I had this weird feeling. A positive one.

I soon felt content. I was embraced with some weirdly smothered happiness. The way I got to see things have drastically changed. I look back at that memory only to smile, for no reason. I soon realized that my way is starting to clear up. It’s now wide and clear. And that subtle feeling of regret. Guilt. A subtle mixture of both i suppose… It’d faded. Yes, it’s no longer there in me. I can stare back at that memory without feeling the tiniest bit of nostalgia anymore!

I’m clueless of what has caused this sudden change, but I’m so glad it happened…

And here’s a bit of wot I’ve been listening to lately:

There are times when you pause. You stop. You need a moment to grasp what’s really going on. A moment of understanding. It’s your moment of realization…

It’s been like a fast-forwarded chain of events. Feels like you’ve been running for so long. Events are crowding up all around you, and you need to spare yourself the resulting confusion. So you stop to clear everything up, to take your breath. Only then you can find the reasons you lack. Or simply come up with ones to back up these events.

And these reasonings, not only lessens the tension of the conflicted thoughts in your mind as the image becomes clearer, it also pushes you forward to an advanced level of thinking. And advanced level of acceptance. Realization.

Just like everything else, these realizations aren’t always happy and entertaining. No, there’s the other side to it. They could be dull and saddening. They could be the explosion of an endless series of  questioned analysis. Whatever it was, you end up with something that sounds so solid, so significant to you that strucks you, wakes you up, and opens other doors to a more open-minded you.

Today, I stop. I take a rest. I give myself the time to absorb my moments, to realize. To comprehend…

I took a moment to look at Mum, to the closest friend of mine she’s always been. She isn’t overprotective. She’s only being herself- My mother. I, like everyone of you, when it comes to speaking of our mothers, we can’t find the right words to lay down. They’re just the best. In everying. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain sometimes xD

Then comes Mr. Awesomeness, My one and only brother. And these two, Mum and Bro, make my very precious, very small, family. My very sacred bubble of trust…

I move on as I enjoy staring at this paused filmstrip of my life. Next comes my circle of friends. An enormous one. I smile as I realize the beauty of it.

I soon understand that this isn’t the real one. My real circle of friends is small. Really small that only a few of these too many people have managed to earn an exchanged trust that made them go in so quickly. I have realized that I’ve rushed a lot of things. I’ve allowed others who didn’t deserve it to enter. I’ve taken jerks as bestfriends. I’ve trusted liers with my secrets. I was too kind to some that they’ve taken my kindness as weakness. I was so truthful with some that they’ve misunderstood that as me being shallow or naive. I wasn’t. I was only myself. And they didn’t deserve my company. This was the realization that made me understand they had to be kicked out. And quickly!

I don’t necessary have to cross them out of my life, but from now on, not anyone can make it to my world. I can sure keep those who are worth it close. But not closer.

I do feel left out. But I get over it…

My smile grows even wider, as I move on to another understanding. Another realization. Never feel sorry over losing something you’ve loved with all your heart, for definitely you shall be granted something far more beautiful. Something you deserve, for you deserve something better. I keep on saying this, everything happens for a reason! We might not get it now. Maybe sometime later. I’ve realized that some people live their lives searching desperately for love. They meet the wrong person, and let their love go to waste. Others are lucky enough to reunite with their soulmates forever. Some others might meet the right person, but for some reason they’re separated! Maybe it’s because he/she was never that so-called “right person”!!

I’ve realized that we shouldn’t run after things beyond our reach. What’s meant to be shall struck us in the wierdest ways possible! It’s all about patience. And when it comes to love, destiny shall introduce you to your significant other. 😀 Someday. Someday shall be your day…

Seems like this filmstrip is endless. There are way too much realizations to be listed in one post. And as I stare at infinity, I understand that some of these realizations, if not most of them, I’ve already realized them a long time before!! Maybe I was just not ready to say them out loud. Maybe I was too blind to see… Maybe I’m just to happy to let the overthinking begin. Maybe… Maybe I’m afraid of the complications these realizations bring.

But guess what? These realizations are quite worth it. Quite worth the thought. And the more you go through stuff, the more you’re going to realize, the more you’re  going to enjoy the memories it brings…

These were my moments of realization. What about you?  Are you ready to step up for yourself? Is it just about time to give it a shot and understand the life you’ve been living? Give it a shot. Open your eyes. And never,never let anything put you down! I’ve witnessed mine, and I know there are a lot more to find out. And I hope, I really do, this would help you stumble upon yours…

I feel warm. Happy. I love life. I love God.

My world is Abstract. My world is what you feel. My world is the emotions that lay far beyond words you can’t find, Sentences you can’t put together, and feelings that lack explanation and sense. I lay all that down. I put it together, right in here.

A fantacy? Yeah it is at times. It is where I breakaway. It varies. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s only a down-to-earth, logic based fundemental analysis. It could make perfect sense, or it couldn’t. As for me, it always does. It’s where complexity untangles. It’s where my picture clears up. It’s where I get you seeing the picture in the first place.

It’s the explanation that completes the puzzle. It could still be the puzzle itself.

This is my world. A variable. One which always looks for the peace and serenity it finds in faith. One that tries it’s very best to see the bright side in everything!

My world is my logic, my brain. And this is how it functions.