Archive for the ‘Story’ Category

The deserts of Egypt

Off I go. Chasing you, and the sun, beyond a purple horizon… 

Chance

Posted: September 1, 2012 in Books, complexity, Emotions, Life, Love, quotes, Randoms, Story
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… And if two beings thrown together, mutually attracted, resist the necessity, fail in understanding and voluntarily stop short of the- the embrace, in the noblest meaning of the word, then they are committing a sin against life, the call of which is simple. Perhaps sacred. And the punishment of it is an invasion of complexity, a tormenting, forcibly tortuous involution of feelings, the deepest form of suffering from which indeed something significant may come at last, which may be criminal or heroic, maybe madness or wisdom- or even a straight if despairing decision.

From “Chance” by Joseph Conrad.

I had to tear her apart, to put myself back together. I had to choke her so I could then breathe. I broke her, because I had to rebuild myself. I killed her, only to bring myself back to life. Revived.

She fell helpless, so I could rise strong. She remembered, for myself to regret then forget. She was left behind, to remind me to move on; she held on, so I could let go; she was held back, to break me free. she lost her way, I found mine; her virtues were my sins, with her emptiness I fill my void up. In her blindness I opened my eyes. She is lonely, but in her loneliness I’m complete. Her darkness had shown me the light.

Through her questions I unveiled answers. Her reality was only a fantasy I gave away. She bled, inside out, yet In her ache, I heal. She felt, but I’m numb. I can’t; I won’t. I build up the walls she once crumbled down; reserved. Yes, she felt; but she wasn’t alive, was she?

I was her. Yet too different for one, too distant to merge into one. Now she’s far beyond gone.
She had to die, if I chose to come to life. I sacrificed myself; for myself.
I am the beginning of her end.
She’s dead; I’m alive.

Her eyelids part; she scans the room. She gulps, forces some air into her collapsing lungs, scans the room one more time; gulps and breathes again, then a sigh; awake. She stares at the shadows over her window, her senses escape her, urged by an unexplained racing heart, and diverge fading into quietness… He’s not there. He no longer whispers. Sigh. Her heart sinks in. It was only a dream; a very silly dream.

It has been a while since she last missed him. A couple pf months? Probably even more. The heart she once abandoned beats, this time in agony. Why now? Her eyelids shut again. They burn, as the dream flashes. Her mind remembers; going back far beyond the dream into memories of what seems a long long time ago. It’s not. Remorse.

His face flashes. The curls of his hair dangle along. His eyes flicker into the image that floats the darkness behind the eyelids she pressed so hard. She wasn’t quite sure if she just wanted to keep the face she once loved revived, or if she was in so much pain that she couldn’t pull them apart. Either way, she kept pressing them, harder and harder. The memories flooded.

He held her hands, pressed them into his, harder every time. He kept her close; so close, he wrapped her in his arms, placed her head over his shoulder, watched her fall; for him, into him, and into sleep. He whispered love into her ears, his eyes followed her, kept an eye on her and craved her. He’s made her cry yet His hands slid her cheeks, his fingers wiping her tears away, patting her shoulders; in reassurance; in love.

And for the first time in that too too long she wished he was there. To hold her, to wipe these rivers away, to drag her with him and into him; to love her like he once did.

For the first time, she sheds the layers of herself to reveal one so broken and shattered.

Eternal, she thought it was. Immortal and infinite; forever. And forever he was gone; along with everything else.
Why? She still asks. She still gets no answer. She abandons her heart, yet it still aches. Why now? She doesn’t want any of this anymore, she’d abandoned it all.

Her despise to weakness and despair pushes the memories away; eats her heart away, reinstalling the rigid backbone of nothingness into her. She gulps, pushes some air further into her, deeper. She tries to split her eyelids apart but they’re glued with tears. Sigh. She finally opens her eyes. Numb.

She shouldn’t be looking back. His memories are no longer welcomed.
A rush of air into her lungs runs chills down her body.

Enough with people. Enough with the world.

” He promised her the world then he left her alone in it”

She abandons people.
She abandons the world.

Psychopath?

Posted: August 8, 2012 in complexity, Emotions, Randoms, Story, Weirdness
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She can feel; absolutely nothing.

Not love, not hate. Not ecstasy, not agony. Not pride, not shame. Nothing.  Desensitized; detached from herself. A heart, beating numb. She can’t feel; she can only think and if doesn’t make its way through her brain then it’s not through.

What has she become?

The world is becoming less amusing by the minute. She eloped; with her logic into a different world of her own creation leaving sentiments behind; eaten away by ignorance and confusion of people. Physically she exists; emotionally she’s gone and replaced by a vital and strong mental presence.

One that searches herself for the heart she once had. A void she finds; filled up by the arguments of a brutally witty mind.
Her sentiments left off to a different world.

What has she turned into? A Psychopath?

Streets; quietly sedating into the midnight emptiness. Streetlamps shed beautiful beams of shades of yellowish-orange. An array of alternating shadows and lights painted the pavement. They twisted until they merged into a seemingly endless one that narrowed into a curving horizon, eaten away by patches of a blackened sky, darkened stars, and a moon blushing in subtle redness. Still quiet, still sedating…

Winds blew in howling batches, a few swishes here and there, a few thuds… Then once again, more howls fading into whistles. She whistled along, not quite sure what was the right melody for such a tune, but she whistled as her legs dragged her into nothingness.

Where she was coming from, or heading to she didn’t know, and she didn’t care. She wanted to be alone; she wanted to be gone, to escape the noises into quietness, to escape the people and the entire world into herself. She left nowhere; to nowhere.

Her mind ached. Her heart ached…

And only this nothingness could sooth such ache, only this emptiness would ease the pain and rid herself of the burden she carried. What was it she didn’t know, and she was already too tired to pose questions neither run after answers. Nothing. She craved nothing, wanted nothing, felt nothing. Numb; Physically. Emotionally.

Mind and heart ceased to function. Not simultaneously, not independently. She shut them down, and let the winds drag her, tickle her, cuddle her, and sing her a lullaby. She stared at the end she couldn’t see. She kept walking, leaving behind all what’s left of her and in her. She kept walking, from emptiness, in emptiness, and to emptiness.

Emptiness kept her safe. And to streets, she was thankful.

He has always been there. Both his absence and his presence has filled her with a burning lust; an addiction that runs deeper into her blood with every day… And she can’t help but fall for it. So deeply… So peacefully. Her eyes run after him like shadows that never leave, stuck to him wherever he goes. She could spot him out of a thousand people. She never failed; it was a talent her heart was gifted. And every time she did, her heart beats raced, her body froze in a sweet chill and her face lightened up with an involuntary smile that slowly craved its way through her twitching lips. 

He was there, at a distance. Her heart ached. She wished she could just run into him and  fall into his arms. Helpless and protected. Just like a little child running to the one thing it has ever known. His decent presence slowly hypnotized her; all what was around her seemed to fade… All but one, all but him. Deep inside she craved for him, his voice, his bright face, his piercing eyes, his messy curly hair… Everything.

Her mind blacked out, transferring her entire world into a fantasy. And it wasn’t the first time. The tiniest bits of him or anything that has got to do with him would transform her world into a film strip, starring him. And she loved every bit of it. She waited for anything. She wanted and needed anything that could keep pumping his thought into her. And when she got carried away, Memories took on.

That whirlpool of lust and love never seemed to cease, taking hold of her stronger everyday. And she was okay with it. She was happy. Her heart starved for him, and if she couldn’t keep him by her side longer enough, then she was determined to transform anything she could get her hands on into magic that could bring his beautiful presence to life. And she did that. Vividly.

Without him she’s a moaning child, weeping lost and in search for the way back to home.He was the meaning she lacked, and the life she needed; the fantasy she’s always dreamed of.  And he made it true. He held the key to her eternal happiness. Lust. It was more than just that. It was more than just random emotions. No. It always materialized into concrete faith. Faith in what she honestly and truly felt. faith in him.

Her mental black out was over, yet he was still there. A distance far but closer at heart. The same smile was still stuck on her face, and how could it fade away when all what fills her with life and ecstasy was right there in front of her bewildered eyes? He was the solo her heart played; a solo that only her ears could listen to…A melody that only her heart mastered every note.

She sighed, tilting to the wall as she lost herself into her emotions. Into him. He was happy, and she felt likewise. He smiled, and it just reflected back on her face.

He was the perfection she once thought never existed.