Posts Tagged ‘Music’

One, two, three, four…

The beat echos in the emptiness of herself.

One, two, three, four…

An arid breath flows into her. She glides through…

Eyes closed, hands in the correct posture; she embraces the vacancy between her arms.

She swings, gripping the emptiness that flows between her fingers. Her steps slide, a lock step. She sways, an inside turn, an outside turn… She drags herself, a walk.

One, two, three, four…

A Chasse.

One, two, three, four…

Dos-a-dos.

One, two, three, four…

The air whirls as she moves. Memories flash…

She swirls, and  loses herself between what was and what could be.

She floats upon the emptiness she holds close, only to drown into it.

One, two, three, four…

The pace slows down.

One, two, three, four…

She melts. The air she has molded into a dear significant is slowly vaporized, leaving mists of remembrance to dry on her cheeks.

“Saw your beauty and I kept in mind
Imagine your smell and touch
Imagine all of us”

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Flow into me.
Let the words seep as deep as the depth of myself allows.

One word. Squeezed of all the meanings possessed, drained into the vessels of my heart. Collected, clogging my escaping breath.

There it stays… Somewhere within myself I never knew still existed; lost and forgotten.
There it stays… to unconsciously sow the seeds of a feeble life, buried underneath thick, filthy layers of myself. To refurbish relics of a collapsed being.

There it settles; for the meanings to diffuse, to give way for some warmth, to trigger…
A thought, a feeling, and a life.

Intense, this infusion of sentiments to be felt for the first time in a long long time grows.

A weak spirit, beautiful in its pale demure yet so insecure in its fear, awoken…

upon the turbulent  impact of one, and no more than just one, honest word.

candlelight

As I share my sacred moment of sheer inspiration, I am transposed into a different world, sucked into a whirlpool of vibrant yet subtle sentiments.

Let the words flow…

upon the ambiance of Waltz.

Quiet.

Sink into the depth of yourself. Float in the vacancy of a heart drained empty. Breathe. Ventilate the closed chamber within. Welcome yourself into the void of your own. Fall. Slowly, quietly. Drown.

Quiet.

The music plays. Listen, as you sink. Peacefully, silently. Again, breathe, as you slide into the darkness of your soul. How dark is it there? How far have you gone?

You fall. Faster and faster. Until you bounce, on a cozy bed of memories. Your heart rebounds. Does it feel? Your mind twitches. Does it remember? You still bounce… And the stories bounce along, floating all together in the vacancy of emotions once abandoned.

Desire has diminished into nothingness. Only a beautifully provocative brain still remains, still reminisces, still remembers, a feeling rather than a memory, still describes a story not a character, still active in useless remembrance.

Quiet.

The music proceeds.
Transport yourself into a fantasy that ceased to exist.

Pour a vision into a dreamless sleep.

 

Too tired, or rather scared to drag myself into endless over-thinking, my mind decided to rather sing.

A sleepless night, this shall be. And If sleep puts me to rest; a dreamless sleep I hope it becomes.

“Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can’t always be around”
He says…

Yes, I did learn to stand up for myself. I did learn to fight; so heartlessly, just like you were.  You’ve taught me the hard way; and I did learn. For that, I thank you.

You were never around, yet your absence molded me into who I am right now.  Strong. Fearless and independent… Empty? Ignorant?

If only …
If only you knew how much the tiniest, simplest of things that you never do mattered to me…
If only you knew I craved you. I needed you.

If only… If only you knew…

Too late; I need not long for that anymore.
Too late, you are far beyond gone.

Hate is a burden I cannot carry. Love is an expense I can no longer afford.

There are words you can’t speak, can’t write, but can only lay back and listen to your mind digest. I depart; I leave the world along with my music. Far away, I escape; leaving everything and everyone behind. For the next hour, there is only myself and an entire album to dive into; to drown…

My parade of thoughts begin…
These thoughts I shall not write, I shall not sing, I might only speak; whisper, to you, only you, then leave. I try to compose words, to structure sentences, to stitch my thoughts into chains of words. Soon I fail myself, and you. I can’t. I won’t. These thoughts are not to be spoken to anyone but myself. This time, my thoughts are only mine. Sacred, they are. Concealed within me, they remain.

Empathy and sympathy are the last I long for, the last I need at the moment. What good are they worth? What good shall they bring?

My thoughts march and organize themselves in my mind. Arrays of events, arrays of people, arrays of memory, all link and interlink. Soon they evolve into conclusions, into understanding. My mind revels then relapses into nostalgia as it peeks into the bigger picture.

And the bigger picture still falls under a thought, I shall speak to no one but myself. Not you, not him.  Just merely myself. A thought I shall not write down for words have become the strength we hide behind in weakness. I need not hide, so I won’t write. There’s no point.

These thoughts you’ll never know; no one ever will. They are not a temptation; a wild desire you choose when to feel and when not to. They’re not. I am not. They are not a lost chance to leave you the choice of going for and after them or letting them go. My thoughts offer no choices… My thoughts remember but  hold no grudge, my thoughts forgive. My thoughts and I, live in peace.

My mental parade soon comes to an end. Drums roll, music fades. Awake I rise.